YStarts H could be the poster child for MLC. He said and did the exact same thing 7 years ago as he is now. But I do see some differences. Since he's so in love with other women he is able to disconnect from me more. And is much more angry. So maybe since he's older he's a little deeper in MLC. I find now that no matter what we talk about, even if its the weather, he will find a way to try to start a fight. the frustrating thing is everything has always been someone else's fault. But now its become even more extreme. I'm sure this is wrong, but now I've kind of taken on roll reversal. He is always say to me before the exposure, I don't want to fight I want to get along, and I want to be friends. Then after I expose him its pure hatred. And now I tell him I don't want to fight with you, I want to get along, we need to be adults for the kids. And that makes him mad now. I give up. I know I fall into the trap when he starts to be nice and then turns on me. I need to not!!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I guess walking away and leaving behind most things in the house and saying 1000 times he wants a divorce and either telling me go do it or doing nothing himself is normal?? I swear men are programed at birth with actions!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
yes it's normal for MLC. Mine took next to nothing, insisted on a divorce and filed very quickly and it was over within a few months. Faster than most. He would not consider counseling or anything. This is HIS problem, let HIM do the work if he wants a divorce, HE can file it, he can make any arrangements. I was the one in the relationship that handled everything and I stepped back and let him do the whole thing. Do not fight with him, just refuse to. He's trying to fight with you to alleviate his guilt probably, it's easier to leave when someone is angry at you or you're angry at them. Just respond - don't react. You can set boundaries, walk away and go for a walk or a drive to calm down. Leave him be to go through this on his own. Take care of yourself - you cannot fix it, nor can you control it, you did not cause it, detach detach detach read all the resources again to refresh your mind, look at it from a beginner's mind they say. keep posting. it does get better.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
My ex also decided he doesn't want to take anything from the house, not even the furniture he bought himself. I have been wondering why.. whether it's a strange form of guilt, trying to pacify me by leaving me the furniture, or he just doesn't want to deal with any of it. He'd rather forget about the whole thing so he doesn't have to face it.
He even had the nerve to get pissy when my mother told him that tough luck, he needs to clean and sort out the house because it's not our job to do it picking up after his mess!
I too was always the one to handle things, well now he has to handle them himself. Good luck a$$hat.
Me: 26, BF: 33, R: 9yrs Bomb dropped April 17th 2014 Currently No Contact
When he left the first time seven years ago he had no issue packing up his stuff and moving out. At that time there was no LW involved. He was just angry and want a divorce. He filed for divorce that time.
This time we did an online divorce together but found out we needed to do more. We made a time to get together to do this and he called and said he couldn't come. I got upset and said you're the one that wants this divorce in obviously your other plans are more important. He said you act like it was a date. I told him he could figure out now how to get a divorce. And has done nothing about it but say he's going to do it. Yes, I'm the one who did everything for him. This time when he laughed he's taken very few things. but there is and OW involved.
Yes, revisiting all the info again I kind of gave up for a while 3 things and feeling that I no longer wanted to try and save my marriage I still don't know if that's what I want but I need to re evaluate the way things have been going.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I have to say that when the pressure is off my age like when we did the online divorce and he bought it was over he became very chatty, happy and wanted to ML. Which I gave into the night we did the divorce papers but I did not know he was still with OW because he said he was not. few weeks later eventually turn back to the hospital fighting. When he found out we needed to do more for the divorce. But it does sure seen that wants the pressure is take it off they start snooping around again.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Please keep in mind that this is the second time around and they will do things differently and in some cases, are far worse in acting out.
Continue as you have been doing and try not to push his buttons if you don't want the monster to come out and play. The less pressure, the more he'll be chatty and gravitate towards you, i.e., like a moth to a candle.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, job I see the same thing and more added bad! "We" have done a 180 as I try to be friendly and calm him down and he wants to be nasty. This is a role reversal.
The energy we could be putting to use somewhere else if we weren't dancing this dance!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I gave my WAH or MLC or whatever he is, the papers, along with the documentation of finances he owed me after he left me without any explanation. Tried all DBing, plus coaching. Do this until you can determine to go dark. Get a coach. This will help you get off the merry go round.
read all the resources again to refresh your mind, look at it from a beginner's mind they say. keep posting. it does get better.