Let freedom ring...

[wishing, hoping]

Nuts. Yes nuts. Nuts doesn't even begin to cover it.

Do you know that no one, and I mean no one except the people I have told, have any idea that we are getting a divorce. I was talking to the coach's wife this weekend and she said she would have no clue we were separated if she didn't hear it from me. She said H told her not to tell anyone. What the he!! Is the dam secret????

Does he want to live a double life?? Does he think he's James Bond or something?

If I didn't live it I surely would not believe it.

WH

[AJM]

Does it surprise you though? I mean, really? After all the rest, does it?

Hang in there. The legal proceeding will end. Not so sure about the rest, but the legal part has an end. That'll really help, WH.


AJ

[wishing, hoping]

Well maybe surprise isn't the right description. The craziness just seems to have no end. These are the actions of a desperate man. One who keeps grasping for something. But what exactly is he trying to grasp onto?

I know I know. He probably doesn't even know what he's doing. This just hasn't turned out the way he expected.

A friend told me it sounds like he has the upper hand.
I said he doesn't. He just wants me to think he does.

WH

[beatrice]

WH, our particular kind of MLCer are control freaks - they even try and control reality.

They will do anything to stay in charge, and damage themselves, and any possibility of good long term relationships with their children and former friends.

They tell themselves endless fairy stories about their life, then, now and in the future. Probably not dangerous, but certainly a little crazy!

WH you are not the problem, he is. Just hang on to that thought, because he will try and convince you otherwise!

It will be over. I can't say he won't continue to contact you and be difficult, but it will run off you, like water off a duck's back. Their relationships will never ever work out, even if they stay together because they are deeply damaged goods.

Actually they did us a favour by leaving - I can see that now. Although at the time it was the most horrible thing in the world

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks, Beatrice. You of all people know what I am dealing with.

So my attorney emailed H and told him we need to deal with the contempt issues now, rather than down the road. He proposed to H we both take our contempt hearings off the court dockets and both present our issues to the mediator next week and he can deal with them at that time. This will save me substantial money rather than having another hearing and will save us time that we can end these proceedings sooner than later. I am hoping H is willing to agree.

I can't imagine why he wouldn't unless he is taking this as a sign that I am giving up the fight.

WH

[LoisB]

Are these guys all like your H and Bea's?? Does Smokey just hide/ignore/avoid these feelings of wanting to remain attached on some level?

From the start, I never thought your H really wanted a D. He seemed to lost without you. It's like he NEEDS you in his life and doesn't mind if the attention is negative or positive.

Are they all like this, but just most suffer silently while yours are more verbal and blatantly A-holes to get your attention?

Maybe this is just me having wishful thinking that Smokey actually gives a rat's A$$ about us??

[AJM]

All good questions. Heather, those questions you're asking? Dangerous because you're trying to get in his head. Be careful as it's a slippery slope to get in that kind of mind.

WH, I know you're still in the thick of it. His crazy will last as long as it lasts. But it will be heightened while he thinks he's "competing" with you. That's both good and bad. Good because it makes him vulnerable to your L and you, in a lot of ways. Bad because he won't go away. He got what he wanted, but it's not what he wanted, if you know what I mean.

Bea gave good advice. Know that it will be over. You'll end it. Or at least you'll end the effect it has on your daily life. That time will come. When you're ready. It'll help greatly when the legal junk is mostly over, and that time is coming sooner than later. It'll be bumpy getting there, and nobody will be happy, including you, but it will pass.

A friend told me it sounds like he has the upper hand.
I said he doesn't. He just wants me to think he does.

It's not a competition to see who's the craziest. This is a legal issue that you're finishing while looking out for your best interests. Be careful not to confuse the two. You're not crazy and have nothing to "win" at this point. You've reiterated to your L to finish this. In fact you've done that several times now. He's bringing it to an end, but don't lose sight of the goal in all of it.


AJ

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks AJ.

So H is all for taking both contempt issues off the court docket but he of course won't take his off until he is assured we take ours off. Which just solidifies in my mind that this is a tactic. He is probably breathing a huge sigh of relief, as am I. He called tonight to make sure I knew he was in agreement. Apparently my attorney didn't respond back to H fast enough.

Also when I was on the phone H asked me to have a conversation with D. About getting ready in the morning in a timely fashion. This morning on my way to work I passed the bus stop where H drops off the kids. Usually by the time I go by they are on the bus. Today they were still there and H did not look happy. Apparently they missed the bus because D had to have her hair just perfect. Funny how I don't usually have those issues. S told me while they were waiting for the bus to come back by (it goes by the stop twice) H put his hands through his hair and told the kids "I hope I get fired. Then maybe you kids will realize the implications of the real world". Wow. Just. Wow.

So H thinks I need to fix this for him either because he can't handle it or because he thinks it's my fault. Yeah. How's that working for ya, beret head?

WH

[beatrice]

You have to love the way these people create teh situation and then can't handle the consequences!! Then, oh joy, they get to play victim.

Dysfunction rules OK?

[Wonka]

^^^ Bea...so spot on!