Well, I am now on notice number 3 that he feels he needs to proceed with divorce. H went to IC today and has again come to this conclusion.
Don't fear D. It may never come to that, but even if it does you will be ok. Even better than ok. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it's true.
The more you fear D, the more H will sense it and feel the need to continue to pull away from you. He doesn't want to be responsible for your happiness... or your pain. You can relieve him of this fear he has right now by showing him that you hear him, and have let him go. It's the best thing you can do for your M right now.
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He feels like he needs to believe I want to be with him because I want him and not because I am afraid to lose him.
This is normal. We all desire to be wanted, but dislike being "needed". You can ease his feelings by pulling back and showing him that you in fact don't "need" him. You show him that you are independent, strong, and happy on your own. GAL, PMA and all that.
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It seems like he's punishing himself or trying to create what he thinks he deserves. He talks about needing to make everything up to me and realizing how stupid he is being and how unhealthy he really is. It is all so bizarre.
He doesn't know what he wants, and won't for a while. Honestly, you shouldn't even want him back until he figures himself out. He knows he's messed up right now. Strength and confidence is attractive. You need to be the rock. This is why you work on YOU. He will notice.
You are doing great, daring. Keep it up... you can do this!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
