I have a question that has to do with detaching. My W is suddenly in a hurry once again to get a D. Part of what she wants is to take her off the family plan on our cell phones. It started with her saying we can save money but I know it was one of her dad's suggestions and he even drove her to the Apple store. She is asking me to look into helping her get a new phone, how much it will cost, putting her on one line with one D me on another plan with other D (who doesn't have her own phone yet but wants one) and from what I can see, it will double the cost of our monthly bill to do it that way. Of course, what started as a way for her to "save money" no longer matters that it will be more, she really just wants to separate from me!
The cheaper part, is because there are two sets of eyes seeing this...
One set sees this still having that connection, and still acting within the confines of a Marriage....
The other set sees this as being independent and free of the Marriage...
When you add the two plans together, then it isn't cheaper....
When you see them as two different plans, then individually, they probably are cheaper...
Originally Posted By: Matt165
Do I help her do this or tell her to just do it herself? If she wasn't in a hurry before and she hasn't really said she is now, she just is wanting to "talk" about a D. Of course as of now she still thinks I will just not go to my own L since she is now able to answer all my questions and it would just cost more money. She really thinks I would trust her after all that has been said over the last few days!
How do you want to present yourself ???
Do you want the anger and frustration to override who you said that you don't wanna be ???
IF...you can help her without showing her anger and judgment, then try to help her...
IF...you are gonna treat her with anger and judgement, then I would stay clear...
It all falls onto you....
Originally Posted By: Matt165
Also, the side of the family that she is hiding our M problems from wants us all to go out to dinner together and she will expect us to act like all is well. This is her game, do I play? Every one there likes me and a few who know about what she is doing (she doesn't know they know. Her mother told her sister) have spoken to me and given me their support. Do I keep playing her game? So far I have done that over the last 11 months because we were making progress until her dad came to town and she wanted to speed things along and I was still hoping that we could avoid the D. Now, I really don't think we can. Of course my W changes her mind every other day about wanting a D or wanting to separate so who knows what she may think in a few days?
Everything that you think that you know about her family...
Is going to change...
There is an old adage that blood is thicker than water...???
And that holds so true during a Divorce. Whether they believe her or not, whether she is lying or not...
They are HER family, and they will support her, no matter how they really feel....
It's not really a game anymore...
It is the new reality of what you are facing with MLC....
And it will be that way, until it isn't anymore...
