Upwards - Needing support, tough times ahead

[Upwards]

Thank you everyone, its been a really tough journey to get here as I resisted the reality for a long time. Over the weekend it was my sons birthday & we spent most of it together as a family, it felt different and I was trying to figure out what H was doing differently then I realised that its ME that's different!

I suppose although its only been 9mths since we separated and less since H decided he was "done" I've come to the realization that my marriage has been dead for many years and I've not been happy in the relationship for a long long time.

My H isn't capable (at the moment) of being the man that I want in my life and its been hard to accept although I think deep down i've know it for a good while. He's making good progress and is working hard to be a better person, I truly wish him every happiness & hope he finds the fulfillment that he is searching for. I'm also working towards forgiving him for what has happened, I dont want to carry the hurt/pain/anger into my future and i'm working towards letting it go.

I myself have said that I would really try and stick it out for 4 more months which would put me at half a year. At this time I want to re-evaluate where I am at and where I want to go.

My thought was stand for one year, but I'm just not sure. I waiver. We all do. It's human and normal.

I didn't set a time frame, I just made a decision that I would stand for as long as I felt I wanted to and I just kept reassessing as you've mentioned. Trust your gut, it will guide you well.

As you said Up, noone knows what the future holds. As long as you are happy it matters not whether you are with your husband, with someone else or by yourself.

Thank you Barry, I'm feeling happier & happier as time passes by I'm still up & down of course and there are lots of emotions cycling on some days but I actually feel like i'm living my life again instead of just existing!