CSan00 - My story

[Italian]

Feel sad and lonely....I know that I don't need someone to share everything with me but my H was my best friend and I miss him. I feel this is hopeless

*HUGS*

I feel your pain dear... I'm finding a lot of help with my family and friends, but it is hard to do without that one person who was our favourite in the world. I'm afraid I don't have much advice... but you're in my thoughts.

[CS000]

I guess I am hoping some of the vets will chime in and advise on my sitch. Please and thank you

[adinva]

Your feeling about whether or not this is hopeless is just a feeling. It's not a prediction. Is it better to have false hope or false hopelessness?

Get back on track with DB. You really need it. You need to build yourself up so you stand on your own two feet emotionally, because your dependence on him sounds overwhelming. You've got big projects to work on...doing better with your kids is a big one. Do you have ideas for how to parent the way you want to? Don't do it FOR him, do it BECAUSE what happened with him opened your eyes to something you need to do for you and for your kids. He will notice; however it takes time. Use the time to find ways to not miss him so much; wallowing in missing him is holding you back from life and is not going to work in your favor in any way.

Take good care of yourself, because you need it and because that is an attractive and healthy thing to do.

[Thornton]

CS - I'm new here and totally relate to how you are feeling. My fiancée was my best friend too. I'm stuck in the obsessive part and analyzing WHY this happened.

It's so hard to let go. It feels so foreign. I watched my fiancée pack her things and walk out the door tonight. The only way to describe it is like she reached into my chest, ripped my heart out and then walked out, got in her car, and drove off.

I was cool as a cucumber, but DYING inside.

[CS000]

Adinva - You are right. I do have a big task ahead with changing the way I discipline my kids and no it is not his way but my own way. My only concern is that moving in with my mom for 5 - 7 months will cause my efforts to be undone as my family doesn't respect my boundaries with regards to my raising of my kids. It will have to be done so I can get on my feet. You are right that I have not done much for myself or taking care of myself. I have gained 5 Lbs from stress eating and I am breaking out from that and all the crappy food I eat. I need to rededicate myself to exercising daily and eating better because it did help me. Also I need to do more to GAL and not think about my H and the past. I am proud that I didn't accept his invitation to see a movie tonight and I didn't say why specifically and he then texted me asking if the kids and I were ok or if I had a hot date lol. I jokingly said yes a hot date and then added lol. So I guess that is good

[CS000]

Well my H and I will be separating the bank accounts on Saturday and he wants to talk about a hard awakening that he had and I asked if it was bad and he said yes. So I asked if he wanted to cut ties completely and he said it is too complicated to text and deserves both of our attention and he wants to keep channels open. My first feeling is that of dread and that it will be really awful. My IC said to not to project into the future and wait for more information. So I guess that is what I have to do even though I wish he'd just get it over with. I need to just pray and hope that God gives me the patience and strength to wait and handle whatever comes.

[Italian]

ARGH. I would be going out of my mind waiting to know - I feel your pain. A big hug.

[JennD]

Hi Csan. I can totally relate to missing your best friend. I can survive without him, I would just prefer to be with him.

Its so hard. But it does get easier. I'm just over 3 months into this madness and its still hard but I'm able to function and be happy for other areas of my life. Everyone says to use this time to work on yourself. Until you are ready, its hard to understand what that really means.

If feel that I have learned so much in the past 3 months about myself - its amazing. I have alot of self-work to do but, like GI Joe says, knowing is half the battle.

Keep moving forward, even if its only at a snail's pace. I promise, it does get easier.

{{hugs}}

[CS000]

Thanks JennD. Well the bank accounts are separated now and the divorce is to be filed the end of June and more than likely be finalized by end of July or mid August. My H feels that this divorce not being finished is holding him back from healing and moving forward. I accept his feelings and know that we will be getting a divorce. It sad to know we are ending our marriage and it will not be the same. I am trying to move forward and hope for a better time to come.

[CS000]

So I guess now I just continue to move forward knowing that in a month and a half the divorce will be filed. It doesn't scare me as much as it used to now it is sadness and acceptance or possibly surrender to the reality that it is going to happen. On the other side, I am working on my kids and discipling them. My oldest daughter got in my face last Thursday and my oldest son had to physically pull her away from me. She is out of control and has zero respect for me. It was awful and now my mom and sister are taking her side but they don't realize all she has put me through and her brothers. I have decided that she needs to go live with her father in Japan or she is being sent away because I refuse to go through that again and put her brothers through either. I am having a hard time reconciling who she is now to the little girl I used to know.