KGirl - Movin' On and Out!

[KGirl]

nit - it has been extremely emotional, for sure, and we've only done small, somewhat unmeaningful things so far. Since our wedding was less than 3 years ago we remember very clearly who gave us what, so it's easy to think things like "my grandma gave me this, I can't let H have this!" I know it's just stuff and mostly replaceable, but with a lot of it being wedding gifts it symbolizes a lot more. It also makes it more real - that the S is actually happening now. I find myself thinking "now is his chance.. he could convince me not to go, or to wait." But he doesn't.

Re: family, that has been tricky, too. I figured he would have told his mom and sisters that I was moving, so I sent them an e-mail w/ my e-mail and phone # in case they didn't have it and wanted to stay in touch. One e-mailed back and said "You sound like it's done for sure? What's going on? [H] hasn't told me anything in months." That's awkward. My mom has also asked if she can keep playing Words with Friends with H. I guess for now it's fine but I don't know that I'll feel comfortable with that after we physically S. Guess I'll see how I feel. I do feel sad not being involved with his family because he has nieces and nephews on his side and I'm not going to con't to see them grow up like I always thought. He has a very large extended family compared to mine and I've been a part of it for 10+ years, so I'll miss holidays and gatherings.

It's been a very emotional day for me. I notice that tends to happen when I have off work - too much time to think, I guess. Problem is I took a lot of time off because our leave expires at the end of the fiscal year, which may not be good for me, now that I think of it. And the packing and negotiating who gets what is more serious conversation than we've had in a long time, so that's hard too - especially when he doesn't show any emotion back, or tell me he's changed his mind. It seems like it doesn't affect him (which I know is mind-reading, maybe he just doesn't show it..) Ugh. I want the magic packing fairy to just come and figure out what I can take and do it for me

If I tell myself "this could all just be temporary or short-term" then I have an easier time working on the logistics. But am I lying to myself, then? Is it better to imagine the worst case scenario ("I will likely never come back to this house") so as to accept reality, even though it makes it very difficult to do the things that need to get done? I'm not sure. I feel like those are the two extremes (optimism vs. pessimism) - what's the in-between view?