4th Down And Getting A Little Anxious

[LongRoad06]

GB, I know what it's like to not be able to forgive. I have a really hard time with forgiving people and an even harder time forgiving myself. I'd also rather throw pity parties and do the woe is me thing while eating ice cream for dinner versus taking a good hard look inside at myself. It's scary, and I'm having to face some demons now that I've never really dealt with before. Being downright mean when I get hurt is one of them. I turn into very bad person during those times. I am embarrassed and ashamed of that person.

It's not easy. I can sympathize with you. I have found that self talk is helping me heal some. Laurie, my DB coach, has told me that I need to do more of it. It seems really corny, but I stare at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I'm sorry for what I've done, and I forgive myself for doing those things that hurt me and hurt others.

I haven't forgiven his mother for being a royal b, and the scum of the earth yet. I have a feeling that is going to take years and a lot of therapy. She hasn't seen my daughter yet because of this. I'm holding on to a huge grudge. Not that she probably doesn't deserve it, but it's energy wasted on things that have happened in the past that I cannot change. It makes me a worse person for dwelling on it, yet I cannot seem to let go.

I guess what I am saying is - I understand what you are going through. I know what it feels like when you get a case of the sads. It seems like your world is imploding. I have found that reading trashy novels or mindless young adult books (there's one about an english girl and her strange family, cat, and friends that is hilarious) gets my mind occupied long enough to where I can do a little self talk later. The first book in that young adult series (there are ten books) is called Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging. It really is mindless slapstick comedy, but since you have kids, you'll probably find some humor in her thoughts as a teenager.