Newbie - bf suddenly left after 9 years

[adinva]

If you felt like he gave a crap he might be able to string you along for a few more years with occasional pretty words. Take a look at how long some of the married LBS with kids here have waited and watched for their MLC WAS to work through their issues. I would count your blessings, work on YOU and learn what you can out of this, and if he comes around someday he does and if he doesn't he doesn't...your life will be good either way.

In my opinion, where I was heading, if you had not been raised and groomed to take on burdens and be long-suffering, you might have ended your relationship when you realized he was not good for you.

I was raised and groomed to be most comfortable with a man who withheld affection and denied intimacy, who was controlling, and downright mean increasingly, and I was patient and long-suffering and not one to back out of a commitment...no matter what. I couldn't see that I should ask for more, and I couldn't take a step to save myself it just seemed dishonorable or disloyal. I'm actually glad I've been dumped because I learned so much about how I got here and why, and what I might have not accepted had I known more. I see some of that in you too. Long-sufferingness is not entirely a virtue.