afraid I have waited too long #3

[nit84]

Thanks for the response G!!

In regards to what I would like to do.

I would like to ask her to attend church with me next Sunday and simply have a normal conversation a couple times a week.

She has told me she doesn't want to talk socially with me because I will get the wrong idea like she wants to R or something.

She thinks I am a master manipulator so anything I do will be seen in that way by my W I fear.

I have worked very hard to try to become a better person than the person she M.

By that I mean, I am the same person but I have a greater understanding of how a M works and what a M needs to be successful. Plus I have taken steps to rid myself of habits or actions or inactions that were toxic to my particular M or at least that I perceive to be that way. It wasn't and still isn't easy but it will help me in the long run.

She sees the changes but still says she is "done".

She says I am a great person when I don't drink( I agree) and people tell her this all the time. I haven't drank in 11 months because I don't want to. She never asked me to stop just hinted around a few times that both of our drinking is causing issues. This was said about 5yrs ago then never said again.

She knows I don't drink anymore but is unwilling to test this new nit84 out, just wants to move on with her life.

I know there is no magic bullet here but I honestly feel(just like everyone else here)that just a small baby step towards the M will lead to more and then more until a possible R is doable again. Only this time I am armed with knowledge of past failures on my part and ways to keep them from happening again.

I know she also has to own up to her own failures in our M and has said that she has blame also it is not all me.

That is hard to understand when W says this but in the next breath says she has tried to make our M work till she was blue in face but I still didn't change.

Had I known I needed to change I think I certainly would have given it a honest effort. Problem is she never said this to me. When I asked my W why she didn't tell me but cried to everyone else about her unhappiness.

Her response was how can you walk beside someone for so long and not realize how unhappy they are? I said I knew you weren't happy and I tried to be better in the context but I never knew how unhappy so I was not proactive enough when I had a chance to show some real changes that I wanted to make to strengthen our M before it was too far gone.


I have now made those improvements but W mind is made up.

She is not quitter on things so for her to say she quit on the M long ago is a very very bad sign.

Now I just Pray a lot and stick to my detaching and observe without expectations.

Thoughts appreciated!!