Well I'm actually not filing for divorce. The lawyer said that they don't do temporary custody agreements in Illinois, and that it has to be a part of filing. However, after doing some research I learned I can file instead for legal seperation and still get the kids.
I've decided to do this because my daughter absolutely needs her care, if my wife isn't going to step up to the plate and ensure she gets that care then I am going to take responsibility for my family and ensure they get it. Right now they are sleeping in pack and plays and my wife is making no moves to give them a steady living enviroment. Despite whatever my wife is doing I believe I am doing what's in the best interest of my children.
I know for a fact she is having an actual full blown relationship with this guy because she has confessed it to me and goes as far as throwing in my face by telling me that she loves him more than she ever loved me. It hurts, but it did provide me the kick in the butt I needed to stop thinking about how I was going to make her mad and ruin a chance of rekindling our marriage into thinking about what is best for my children. I belive that is having a parent that is focused on them and making their life stable and not worried about pursuing an A.
As for quitting the porn it's the same reason I decided to quit playing video games. I decided enough was enough and I'm ready to grow into a man. I used those two things as a means to escape from responsibility and dealing with issues. I made a firm decision that I want to change my life for the better and learn how to handle things right and stop being the old me. Honestly, I hate the guy I was and I completely understand why my wife would have wanted to leave. While I understand how she feels and why she would seek validation from another man I don't believe in doing it after we were only seperated for 2 weeks, having him around my children 80% of the time, and throwing it in my face.
I do realize that I shouldn't judge her, and that is why I am honestly open to working on the M if she ever decides she wants to. I know that I wasn't the best husband, and I needed to change a lot and that is what I'm doing. I just get frustrated when she acts like she does about it, and this is probably something I need to work on. Growth is a slow process after all.
However, I am doing this for the best interest of my children fully knowing that she will probably hate me for it.
Me-33,W-26 M-4 yrs, T-5 years S- 2 D- 4 (Special needs, undiagnosed) Apr 2014 B date End of April 2014 Moved in with parent's
