I normally prepare weeknight dinners, but I got home from work a bit later than normal tonight, and W a bit earlier. When she came in I was still snacking on some chips so she did too. We decided to do our movie date tonight, and W asked if the chips were dinner. "Oh, heck no" I said. "I was hoping you would make something" I added with a chuckle... so she did, and it was very good.
As followers know, I've been feeling like I should be initiating more contact with W, and I thought this date would be a perfect opportunity. What kind of guy takes his girl on a date and doesn't touch her? I surely don't want to be that wussy guy. So I figured I'd make my moves, deliberately and confidently, and face the chance that I could get rejected.
Walking from the car to the theater, I put my arm around her. She did not hold me, but did not pull away or flinch either. It was a long walk, and I proudly held her the entire time, with a big smile on my face. "Look world, I'm holding my sweetheart!"
Over the last year, I've had a few moments were I wondered if I still felt attracted to W. On this walk I had firm evidence that I did!
Once seated in the theater, I held her hand and massaged it for a bit. It felt wonderful. I took T2's advice and held back on the popcorn tub trick.
I held W again on the way out, and then on the ride home I placed my hand on her knee for a minute... again she accepted it. She also thanked me for taking her to the movie.
There's still too much dead time between us for my liking, but the talk we did have was pleasant, even if it was mostly small stuff. I want to talk about the future, and big dreams!
When we got home W started talking about work, how she needs to go in to work this weekend for at least 3-4 hours, and how she "hates people". I just listened and let the "hates people" comment go. Then later, when we were preparing for bed, I thanked her for a nice night together, hugged her, and told her that I wanted her to know that "some people love you". I then seen an oh so cute smile of pleasure on her face.
Overall I'd say it was a great night, and that we are progressing nicely, even if it does seem a bit slow for me.
Oh, and sorry Wonka, I'm happy to update you, but you're not the one I want to de-brief.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Yes, FY. I would say that was a good night. Popcorn tub or no
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
The day after our movie date, I was feeling down for a bit. W hadn't reached out to touch me, hadn't joined me in our bed, and still closed up the bathroom curtain tight when showering/changing. Things were not turning for the better like I had hoped, I told myself, and maybe never would.
Then I stopped and had a discussion between my reptilian brain, (the old brain, responsible for survival, and the fight or flight response) and my new brain. (the advanced part that is responsible for deep, rational, human thought)
Old brain: Damn, she's still not into you. Might as well pack it up and call it a day.
New brain: Wait a minute. Look at how far you've come. Think back to how things were between the two of you two years ago... One year ago! Your expectations are too high. Focus on the big picture, the end goal, you will get there!
So I refocused on all the positives in my sitch, and readjusted my expectations.
I had a good week at work, and a good workout night with some friends. W met up with her friends a couple nights this week, and as usual, gave me details upon her return.
"GF wasn't there tonight, but T, B, and so and so were." she told me.
Me: "Oh, so it was just you and your boyfriends."
W: "Hahaha, yeah I guess so. I never really thought of it that way."
She then proceeded to fill me in on the details of her night. My W continues to come out of the social anxiety shell she was in prior to crises. I am so happy for her!
W got home from work a bit early tonight, and we talked about our day for a while. She was checking emails and said GF is now back in town, and asked if I would mind if she met up with her tonight.
I've really been admiring W's long, painted nails so I replied "Not if you scratch my back before you leave!" (something W has not done since pre-BD)
W agreed, and went to the bathroom to powder up a bit. I removed my shirt, and laid on our master bed. W came out and joined me. The two of us on the master bed together is also a post BD first! Yay!
Gosh I love my girl! Bust On, you all!
Last edited by ForeverYoung; 05/24/1403:24 AM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
That is awesome FY. You are so right the little things matter. I can't see much more than the negative most of the time so I just ignore what doesn't affect me or kids and go on. Hope you keep seeing the baby steps of improvement!
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
Aww, FY, I am smiling for you. You really are quite amazing, my friend.
You have worked so hard and have been so loving and patient. I am glad you listened to your new brain. There have been huge strides since this all started.
You just keep on planting little seeds. The more she feels comfortable with you, the more she will continue to move closer.
I know it is so hard when you can see the possibilities and they seem right there. Gotta control the antsy for a bit longer.
FY- I continue to be so amazed at how well you focus on the positives and appreciate the baby steps. Looks like you and W are moving closer and I am very happy for you!
The Harville Hendrix books are phenomenal! H's IC had told him to read those books a long time ago ( he has yet to do that) and I was intrigued so I immediately bought them. The "keeping the love you find" book, even though it is meant for singles, is really good as well. I am now reading the "receiving love" book and it's very interesting as I see my H in this one majorly. These are the books that actually helped me do the painful work of dealing with some personal and childhood issues that impacted how I was behaving in the relationship. The IMAGO theory makes a lot of sense to me. Hope they help you as much as they did me.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
