Hoping for positive changes

[artsy]

Documenting/updating (not much to say but I don't want my thread to get lost in the shuffle! )

I have had contact with H a few times. I think I'm goin to have to switch to be the one who does the contacting first. It pains me to do so,which is my pride speaking so I know I need to take a look at my motivations. I have been told by more than one person that I need to leave my pride out of this and do what's best for the M. So, in keeping with MWD philosophy, contacting him works- he will get back to me almost immediately most of the time and then he will engage in several more convos that are friendly/caring. If I wait for him to do it first, we get in to the multiple week holding pattern that we just got out of...So, I'll experiment with taking the lead- because te other way around is not working for me!

Positives: I painted the kitchen cabinets white and changed the curtains in the adjoining living room. The house has a whole new feel and I love it! And I bought myself patio furniture for Mother's Day (I deserved it!), which can be seen from the same living room- it just has a lighter, more positive feel in that side of the house. It feels "different". I needed that.

I also cut my 5k time by 1:30!!!! My goal is to get my time down to under 30 minutes by this time next year. I'm at 33 right now. As long as it doesn't get stifling hot, I should be able to run as much as I like. ( it's Ohio, though...in about a month the humidity will be suffocating). I actually enjoy running now- I wish I had started when I was younger!

[artsy]

Oh- and my GAL is rockin! Almost too much, lol! I have something almost every day. I haven't started ton pick up shifts at work because I worked my a$$ off to get into my OT program the past 2 years and I just need a break! I could have more disposable cash if I worked more, but H is paying everything so I don't really need it- I don't spend much money at all and he has no idea what my work hours are, any way. So I'm gonna milk it as long as I can and enjoy the summer with D12!

[Georgiabelle]

Congrats on all the good stuff, Artsy! Sounds like you are doing awesome:)

[artsy]

Thanks, GB!!!!

[artsy]

Venting: I am still close with my exMIL (from my 1st M- I'm not close AT ALL with current MIL...no drama there, they're just very closed off and private people).

Anyway, she called yesterday to ask about D12 and asked about H. (She was one of only 4 people I told in the beginning. I've only added a couple more to that number since, btw).

She asked how I was doing, I said I'm fine (which I am). Then she says, "well, correct me if I'm wrong but I think you're enjoying not having a H)." WTH?!?!?!??

I said -"actually, I'd much rather him be here, but I can't control that and life has to go on."

I don't know why that's bothering me so much, but I can't stop thinking about it! Who says that?

[Georgiabelle]

Artsy,

I think some people simply cannot comprehend that there are really only two ways of dealing with things. You can either live or not. I don't mean to sound melodramatic but those are the only 2 options.

Perhaps she thinks you should wither in the corner or cry non stop. We all need to feel our emotions (I keep reminding myself that :), however life/time continues on whether you choose to be an active participant or not.

Sounds like you are doing great. Don't let her words upset you. Keep up the good stuff!

[owl777]

DBing isn't meant to cater to the S who wants the big D. We don't want the big D and are trying to DB to get our S to wake up! Along the way we grow, learn, and hopefully encourage our S to work on our R and grow together towards a healthy M. Well, with that said, the S and others don't like to see us GALing because we should be the whimpering, poor pitiful me S who got dumped. The truth is it's the one who left the M and isn't trying who should be acting like he/she lost something special. How screwed up is our R's and M's and families, anyway? Don't join them and keep DBing. The exMIL's influence on your ex is probably 1 reason why your 1st marriage didn't work. Relate with positive people and find people who aren't going to talk out your R or M in a negative way.

[artsy]

Thanks, GB and owl! I promise I won't let her comments derail my progress. I think it bothers me for 2 reasons: 1. I am wishing she didn't even know about my situation now, and 2. I'm frustrated that it bothers me (and that bothers me!) lol!!

I shall continue my path, nonetheless!

[owl777]

Reread Sandi's rules. We all make mistakes. I talked to a friend who was EA w/H (later figured it out) and mother and father. We're supposed to keep things under the hat for a while to let things settle. In my situation, it probably doesn't matter, but you never know. People love to get into our business. Do they truly care? Some do and some don't. One thing is for certain we do here!

[artsy]

I have officially dropped the rope.

Our anniversary was Thursday. He told me today he is not coming home and never intended to. I am done. His exact words when I asked him why: "I don't want any responsibilities right now". Wow.

I am going to make an appointment with an attorney this week to see what my options are: my H convinced me to quit my job and go back to school right before he left. I am an unemployed single parent and completely dependent on him for money. I want to find out from the attorney if he would be obligated to pay support for me- he has been paying without much complaining at all, but I need to know my options.

I don't want to file, but if it's the best thing to protect myself and the best thing financially, then I will.

I'm okay emotionally- I most certainly cried after he left. But right now I am mostly embarrassed. This is my second marriage. How could I have agreed to marry someone who would do this to another human being? Was I just meant to be alone?