Back to basics

[LongRoad06]

Allll weekend I was busy, but not all interactions with H went well. I told him we should start the "your weekend my weekend" schedule for our 11 month old kidlet. This weekend, was "his" weekend, but he is still at the house so just kept her there.

I laid about 1.5 TONS of rock around flowerbeds, filled them with compost, went to see friends of mine (where I got compost.) After the tiff on the 17th about moving, I woke up the next day to him asking about sex. He said he was offering as he thought it would "make our relationship better" because it would put me in a better mood (I have a high drive.) I saw this as more cake eating, so declined; but it upset me and made me mad.

H stayed his distance Saturday, we hung out a little but both went to bed fairly early. Sunday was more of the same for me. I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast and shared with H. We were a little distant, but over the course of the day, he came outside a lot with our daughter, complimented the flower beds etc. It wasn't until I was about to leave to go pick up more flagstone that he went off.

I said something about going out to meet someone (picking up flagstone,) and didn't clarify who it was. He asked if it was a date. I told him it didn't matter what it was, and he said "it does until the D is final." I asked why he cared, and if we weren't together any longer and wouldn't be, why it mattered who I went to see and what I did with them. He admitted there are still feelings there, and that it would hurt him if I did that while we were still married.

I'm lost here. We could have the D final by end of June if he'd get the paperwork drawn up. What's the difference between now and then?

He then started bringing up the past, and how I "treated him horribly" for years, and I can't expect to do that and him to stay around, I'm an evil, horrible person for wanting him to hurt since I was, and on and on and on. I tried validating some of his concerns, but I also started getting really defensive. I told him this twice before I got up and walked out saying this wasn't a constructive talk. I was trying to use "I feel..." and saying "I understand..." He would say things like "your feelings make no sense. you are too sensitive and uptight." and "you DONT understand what YOU have done to me" along with a lot of "you this" and "you did" that

Later that day, I said I was sorry if I ever hurt him, because I have a problem dealing with being hurt. I want the other person to feel my pain, versus just learning that they probably didn't mean to hurt me, and letting it go. I'm working on this in anger management, as I hold grudges for long periods of time, and also push buttons on those who tick me off.

He suggested sex again. I obliged at this point. I am in a much better mood, but now I'm extremely confused. He said it was great, and was chatty again this morning, but he still keeps telling me we are "OVER, DONE. This is a good thing" yet asks me if I still want to be married to him.

I know, none of what you hear, half of what you see. I'm just lost. I want to take sex off the table, I know it won't bring him back, but 1.) I enjoy it 2.) it's not with someone I don't know. I'm just afraid that as far as detaching, I'm going to eventually set myself back.

I told myself I'd see something positive in every situation no matter what. The positive in this is - he has told me he cannot sleep with someone that he doesn't have feelings for. The other positive is - he's not running to move out of the house, or file paperwork for the D.

<sigh.>