Wife doesn't feel it... (Part 2)

[Corbean]

I need some advice this morning. I realized that I haven't truly let go and have been trying to covertly force her into realizing what she's doing and come home. So I literally have to completely let go of everything.

However, where I'm torn is in regards to the children. Right now she doesn't have a job, is using my car, staying at her parents/OM's house. I know from her sister that he smokes, smokes pot, and drinks pretty heavily. My daughter is special needs and is supposed to have therapy twice a week, but currently isn't getting anything. My wife mentioned me taking her which I said I would absolutely do, but I would have to take the car back and she then says nvm. When I have asked her about a job she says she is looking, but she spends her days with the OM and is going out drinking every night. My son is getting attached to this other guy and that breaks my heart. I talked to her last night about it and she said that she wasn't going to stop because it's just like hanging out with any other friend and they don't do stuff in front of the kids.

I'm torn, I don't know if my motivation is truly 100% about the kids or if it's my felt need for control. I can admit that I've thought if I try to take them and make the conditions that she gets them back be that she have a stable job, a car, her own place, pass a drug test, a reliable baby sitter, and no man can stay after 8PM, then it would force her to start taking responsibility and wake her up from this.

I also have considered that if I wasn't spying so much before I wouldn't know any of this stuff, we wouldn't be at odds and I would simply be being nice and trying to help her. So idk what to do. I never thought that losing my family would hurt this much.