My mom was in town for the weekend. I had a good time with her, despite her suggestion that we wear disguises and stake out H's apartment complex to see if there was anything suspicious going on. I think she was mostly kidding. Furniture for my family room was delivered Friday. It is so nice to have the room furnished again, instead of sitting empty waiting for H to come back. H came to my sister's house to pick up D7 after my mom left today. I left at the same time he did and asked if he could come pick up a TV if I bought one today (he has a truck). He asked if I would mind if he went shopping for it with me. Since I have no idea what I would be looking for, I said yes. He helped me pick one out and then brought it back to my house and set it up for me. D7 is very excited about it. We went out to dinner together. Having D7 there made it feel less awkward than our "friend" night last week.
A couple of things that are making me feel kind of off tonight. I called H on our way to the house after buying the TV and he answered the phone, "Hey, Babe." This is not the first time he's done that since he told me that he definitely wanted a D and it didn't bother me, until he stopped himself and said, "Is it OK if I still call you Babe? It's habit." I'm trying to figure out why his question/explanation bothered me so much. After that, I was literally fighting tears until I got home. Maybe it is because he felt awkward calling me something he's called me every day for years. Later, I went to H's apartment to tuck D7 in. I'd forgotten something I was supposed to bring in the car, so he followed me out. As we were walking, this exchange took place,
H: Today was a fun day.
Me: Yeah, it was.
H: How are you doing?
Me: What do you mean?
H: I think you know what I mean.
Me: I don't think you want to know the answer to that question.
H: I do.
Me: If you are looking for me to say that I'm fine and I've had a realization that this is great, it isn't happening.
H: I just want to make sure you're ok.
Me: I'm ok.
So, I'm mad at myself. I shouldn't have said anything. I know that. At the same time, WTF was he thinking asking that question? What kind of answer was he hoping for? It feels like he was looking for something to ease his guilt.
