Wife in MLC and getting ready to go #2

[AJM]

Your W wants to load all that baggage she is dealing with right no your shoulders. It almost sounds like she is obsessed with creating as much blame as she possibly can.

It just hurts so much to hear this person say the awful things she did about me. And then to hear the trivial things she was so "unhappy" about with me

Matt, I haven't really posted to you before, but can I say... What T2 and Mach posted to you? Read that again.

I get that you're hurting. I get that you're hurting for you, the loss of your marriage and for how she treats your daughter. For the bat-sh** crazy stuff she says and for blaming you!

I get it because I've lived it. As have many here.

Know what? You're killing yourself and accepting some of the bat-sh** crazy stuff she's saying. I'm not criticizing the reasons - you want to protect them both.

Know what will help all of you? Stop accepting her bat-sh** crazy stuff and stop having expectations of anything else about her. Understand this alien is not the person you know. This is a person who has some deep issues to deal with. You can't help her. You aren't to blame. Since you aren't, and you didn't cause the issues, you can't fix them nor protect her from herself.

Believe me.

You can however, do what you know to be right. You can have no expectations of your W. Let that go. Understand she is going to blame you, she is going to hurt you, and she is going to hurt your daughter with her actions. That is a fact of life, amigo.

It's not forever. She'll come around to your daughter at some point. They'll figure out what their relationship is going to look like. You may not be there, nor as T2 mentioned, want to be. You can protect your daughter's relationship with her mother a little bit by being you. By understanding it's not about you, no matter how much W tries to blame you. She will continue that.

Stop the conversations with her. She wants to be gone, help her pack her things. Be her friend if you can, but don't have expectations of her in any way. That will only set you up for disappointment. Serious disappointment and that will affect your daughter as well as you.

Drop the expectations. Stop listening and internalizing her bat-sh** crazy accusations. They won't stop until you do. Even then, they may not. But you won't be affected by them any longer and that's important.

She kicks you in the shins and blames you for it. That's abuse. That's nuts. That's not your place. That's not helpful to anyone.

Believe me, I was in your shoes at one point. I've heard the same things over the years. Some of it so crazy I actually laughed till it hurt (quietly; I'm not insensitive).

But it's not you and it's not something you can help. Your W has to figure this stuff out for herself and you are still in the way as long as you internalize it or give it weight.

You're not perfect, but you didn't cause this.

Help her pack and get a lawyer. Protect yourself and your daughter and understand your W won't be happy with the outcome not matter what you do. So it doesn't matter in the scheme of things what you do to protect yourself. Except to you and your daughter.

Don't wait Matt. Zero expectations and a lawyer. You'll do it now or you'll do it later, but it's better if you do it now.

And keep venting. There's a lot to vent

Peace,
AJ