Well, it has taken me a few days to let it all settle in, but.. it went well.
I had imagined I would be extremely nervous, but strangely by the time I was at our meeting point, I was totally calm. He arrived and we hugged and then we set off for my place. Everything was very natural and normal between us. We made jokes and laughed and it wasn't awkward at all. At my place, he retrieved some things that I had been storing for him, which made me a little sad, but he also left a few (less valuable) things behind. I know this really means nothing, but I guess I thought that if he had things with me, he'd have to ask for them at some point.. which would mean.. contact!
Anyway, we went for a long walk so I could show him around where I live. We had breakfast at a gorgeous cafe by the water. The weather definitely showed up for me. It was a perfect day and I am sure he could easily see himself living where I live, even if it's without me. It was total bliss.
Everything went really well.. we talked about various things, but I didn't bring up our relationship at all really. I did ask him a few plans about his future, but in casual terms (e.g. "Do you still plan to go to school?" as opposed to "Are you going to come to school in my country?" and so on).
I ended up going to the airport with him to say goodbye. I finally "broke" when it came time to say goodbye. We were hugging and I was crying and he was even a little teary.. and the conversation went like this:
Me: Is this the last time I'll ever see you? Him: No.. Me: Promise. Wait, I mean.. I know I can't make you promise, but.. promise? Him: Yeah
So, I probably overstepped the line there, but I couldn't stop myself. I felt like if that WAS the last time I'd ever see him, I needed to know in order to say the "correct" type of goodbye. I also told him that while I know he needs to do what he needs to do, that he should know I am still interested in him coming back.
He asked me if he could Skype/call me and I said yes, which felt good.. as just a little while ago he was saying he DIDN'T think we should talk anymore.
Anyway, it was horrible saying goodbye, but.. that's the way it is right now. He emailed me as soon as he got back to his country to say he was safely back.. and that we'd talk soon. I kept my reply on the light/casual side.
PROS: He said he'd love to live where I live. He promised it's not the last time we'd see each other. He asked if he could call me. He cried when we said goodbye. He held my hips at one point during the goodbye, looked into my eyes and told me I looked "really good." He turned back and grabbed me for a final hug.
CONS: He still left, haha! He didn't say "I love you" back to me, when I said it. (Yes, I said it. *Groan*)
I feel a sense of calm right now. Obviously I still want him back but I get that's he's not in a position to do that right now. I am proud of myself for keeping myself together during our short visit and showing him my great apartment, where I live, that I looked good, etc. That's the best I can do right now, and hopefully as long as we can just keep in touch, there is a chance.
