I just got an email from exH, he wants to come over tomorrow and visit the dogs....I am actually surprised. Maybe he is a boomerang after all. I really thought there would be no contact from him now. I have not answered him yet, I know - no expectations but damn... why is this so freakin crazy all the time, it's a total mind f*ck. I want to see him of course, but in reality I know it's just going to f*ck with my emotions for a few days. Yes patience... see I will go through all the rules in my head and try not to read anything into it or expect anything. It's simple, it's just a visit with the dogs....nothing more.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
TL, you know what to do and how to handle this. You've got this:)
Question for you. I've been following along since the beginning and I may have missed this. Is your h quiet in general or is this post BD?
No expectations and just be you.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
thanks GB, feels nice to have that encouragement from you! I wouldn't say he was quiet, he didn't monster really if that's what you mean. He did but not directed at me, it was more like tantrums directed at work in my presence. We talked all the time, texts and chat throughout the day every day, every single morning he texted me good morning sweetheart or some other cute name. It was really hard to stop getting those. He did that even the day of BD!! I literally had no idea it was coming. Since we don't have kids and he wanted this D so quickly I just figured he'd go dark. He has seen me every few weeks since he moved out because he wanted to drop off the insurance check versus just mailing it. Now that it is done and over I didn't think he'd care about visiting the dogs, they do enjoy his visits. Part of me wonders if he's checking on me, I know I shouldn't wonder that but it's natural to wonder about things
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
I know how you feel, I too was getting I love yous until the day before the bomb. How the bomb just came out of the clear blue sky.
I would be careful allowing him to visit too much seems like it may help him relieve his guilt but is doing little for you. One thing I learned for the the book is you need to test the waters - maybe his coming over is bringing you guys closer.
Only you will know if this is helpful or hurtful. Trust your gut
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
thanks Bklynmom - my gut tells me he's still deep in MLC. his first few visits were dark and depressed, the last couple were more friendly. I don't want to not let him see the dogs however next time he asks perhaps i'll say no and suggest another time. I was trying to be open to a friendship. I wouldn't say his visits were helpful, they do cause some hurt because it's like reopening the wound for me. When I don't see him it helps me detach. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow. I need to re-read DB even though i'm divorced. My heart tells me leave the door ajar.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
I agree with BklynMom, you can see how it goes. I know what you mean about the emotions. Every time my H visits or stops by, I’m a nervous wreck. At least in your case, the legal stuff is over and you don’t have to anticipate any conversations about it.
I think he is using the dogs as an excuse to see you. Was he attached to the dogs a lot before the BD? I’m sure he still has some emotions about you. His “new” life is probably not giving him much relieve as he hoped. But, this is just a speculation on my part. If you decide to let him to come over, treat him as a neighbor.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
He came over and watched 2 episodes of Penny Dreadful and then left. He was friendly, I treated him like a neighbor. Nothing has changed as far as I could tell. Back to my regularly scheduled program (life).
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Are you doing okay after today's visit? Do you think it really IS about visiting with the dogs, or have any feel at all what his real motivation might be? How is your mood now that he's left today?
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
Wow TL! Kinda out of the blue! It sounds like he was looking for an excuse to visit with you, rather than the dogs. Interesting development, indeed. Keep us posted.
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
My H was originally planning to return "his" two 2 dogs this evening, but I got a text from him today saying that he'd rather keep them one more night and return tomorrow am. When he picked up his two dogs Friday afternoon, he hugged one of "my" dogs, Elvis, an extra amount, and it appears that H really misses him. "My dogs", especially Elvis seem to miss "his" dogs and moped around somewhat each of the past 2 weekends when part of their pack was gone. You are lucky, in that although they are expensive, you have all of yours with you.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
