4th Down And Getting A Little Anxious

[BklynMom]

What a fool your H looks like!!!? Here you were bringing him cookies and he was trashing you. He looked like the fool not you.

Who looks like a scumbag idiot Tiger Woods or Elin?

Its pretty obvious to everyone who the fool is

[LoisB]

Georgia,

Look up Elin's college graduation speech. It's very satisfying to those of us who have been cheated on and treated poorly by our H's. She rose above and gave the graduation speech with her children, parents and billionaire boyfriend in the audience.

I'd like to think it's karma. :-)

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks everyone. Can I tell you guys something? I actually secretly feel popular when I come here (even though this was not a group I really wanted to join). Why? Whenever I look at the views on my thread I think " these great peeps just think I'm prattling on and on and on!" I'm kidding. I love the support here and if anything that has happened to me makes someone feel not as alone or helps someone, then I'm pleased I could do so. Somehow, I think your story , kml, has started speaking to me. I'm feeling kind of feisty today.

A year ago today, I got a call that my dad was move to ICU and should only be there a few hours after a minor procedure. I had a bad feeling and hopped in my car and drove 4 hours to see him. When I saw him, I immediately knew he wouldn't make it. He was intubated and in restraints. His face lit up when he saw me. My dad was my biggest cheerleader and he died about 16 hours later. While I miss him, I'm relieved he doesn't see this situation. He always said I had such a good head on my shoulders and he never worried about me. I hope (minus a few slip ups) that the way I'm conducting myself would make him pleased. I think I'm pretty gosh darned detached. Still have a ways to go.

I welcome any thoughts on what I'm about to say. I've never mentioned OW to h. Never asked about OW. I knew h could not be alone and originally I was a little surprised (why I'm not sure) that he got involved so quickly. Looking back, I should not have been surprised in the least. Is it strange or bad that I don't give her much thought? My IC likes to talk about this topic and she (OW) just doesn't evoke much of a feeling from me. Very little real estate in my brain. Is that crazy?

Going to dinner with a friend tonight and finalizing my trust and will (shame on me for waiting) this afternoon. It's almost the weekend !

[BklynMom]

It is kind of strange that you dont think about her much.

But good for you. I dont think you necessarily have to obsess over her. You have confidence in who you are. You H is clearly the fool

[TL72*]

I think it's GREAT you don't think about her, it's a waste of energy and only causes pain to you and sometimes your imagination causes more damage to your positive attitude if you waste a second wondering about it. Personally I try not to think about it and pretend it doesn't exist, I don't know for sure that it does, so any time I waste on it seems stupid to me - I've definitely wasted enough time thinking about it and it is never anything good or helpful to my sitch ya know? I think you are incredibly well adjusted and that is fantastic. You seem to know who you are and have a good sense of self already .Not letting some OW take any of your "light". I love reading your posts because you're always very upbeat and with the cr*p we all go through - it is just a breath of fresh air. I second what Bklynmom says - good for you! having confidence is big hurdle for some of us lbs's - you have a lot of strength, I feel it is admirable how you're handling everything.

[LiveNow]

Yeah, Georgiabelle, what she said! ^^^^ I think it's great too. I fight with myself every day to not look at OW's Facebook page. She has been very careful to not put my H's picture or any mention of him on there, since they are BOTH still married, and her reputation on the job might suffer a bit if that info came out. But I figured out a while ago that my H is sometimes the one TAKING THE PICTURES!!! I always feel worse if I look there, and dwell on it. I have been thinking about her (and looking online) less and less, feeling like, 'she may be younger, but I am MUCH wiser.' Keep doing what you're doing. It's HIS loss, girl!

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks everyone. I know I will be getting a 2x4 shortly so I will start with something I have been feeling first.

Anxiety. Not anxiety from "can I raise 3 kids without h?" anxiety. Anxiety about h's dad has Parkinson's. He is such a devoted father and h treats him horribly. H has said he a ) doesn't like to see his dad in this condition ( he's had it for over 28 years b) h is afraid he will get it and c) his dad annoys him by trying to help. When I tell to you h treats him horribly, I'm being generous by describing his treatment mildly. I had a dream about FIL progressing. Woke up as I felt horrible for FIL, MIL and my kids adore him. I took some deep breaths and realized I cannot control this.

Then my mind wandered. Will h give any thought to the type of people he brings around kids? We can call this mind reading, however I don't think in his current state h gives much thought to anyone but h. I'm very curious by nature. I was that kid who read encyclopedia's from cover to end back when they existed. Crack out 2X4s. What if something happened to me or h took kids to OW's family? I decided to google OW's family. She is from a small town ironically enough close to where I grew up. Her mom is a few years older than h and is an erotic short story writer with many scantily clad photos of herself on the web. The first pic the popped up was her in a white tank with no bra and her underwear. OW's dad is in his mid 80s and voluntarily relinquished his medical license for behaviors I won't name specifically. I decided to stop. Can't control it. Everyone's family has issues. I shouldn't have looked. But I did. Not my deal. More work on me to do.

My daughter gave me a foot massage and oldest s heated my rice bag for cramps. PMS time. For me, being very dim is best with h. Even though I see him a few days a week, I leave right when he arrives.

On another note, I had my will and trust finalized in a friend's office. I've known him for 20 years and he's like a brother. He said that I was glowing and looked gorgeous. Compliments are really nice. I have good kids, great friends, and wonderful family.

[Georgiabelle]

I should point out they I have been working on a very bad habit. I don't have to be right- I LIKE being right. I have no problem apologizing when I've made a mistake . However , I have a tendency to gloat and be a bit too giddy when I'm right. Not attractive and I don't like it either.

So the last few weeks, I was not right and quickly said " I'm wrong " One was to h via a text exchange regarding money. I said "I'm sorry. I miscalculated. Here is the correct amount."

And the life went on and I was okay not being "right". I liked the feeling of just saying I was wrong and moving on.

[TL72*]

good for you GB!! I hate this mlc cr*p BUT it does force us to work on ourselves - I'm finding out all kinds of stuff about me I didn't realize, including who the he// I am. So there is almost a silver lining right - as horrible as this is, without it, we'd probably just have gone on with the same ways we were before and this way at least we're learning - this is a creative learning experience lol. stay positive - you're doing great!

[BklynMom]

Just a question to ask yourself, why did you find your H at all attractive when you witnessed how he treated his dad? Did you deny his behavior to yourself? What insecurities did you have that allowed you in some ways to go along with this behavior?

I have realized that I allowed my H to act badly for a long time in various situations and finding out why I allowed it I hope will prevent me from going back to that place with someone else.

Absolutely no family no matter how odd or even degenerate they are wishes that their daughter bring home a man with 3 kids. Trust me the erotic mother writer does not think its a good idea nor does the "criminal" dr. They will prob. stay away from both their families right now, for obvious reasons