Reach out or stay dark?

[Anders]

So, W and I talked by phone this morning. She sounded very upbeat and is set on moving on from our marriage. She asked me to clarify what I meant in the email I sent her earlier this week (taking back what I said during our argument about divorce). I made it clear that I did not want a divorce. She said it was too late. We had a great first few years but the last few have been too much that she doesn't see how we could recover nor does she want to.

Several times she mentioned that 'we owe it to ourselves to see what a relationship with other people may be like' (we were the fir best serious relationship for each other). She is really keen on this and this has come up a few times in the past year. She mentioned how some of her colleagues had open relationships and wondered if that would have saved us during our separation. This was not and is not for me.

I had suspected OM for a while but only proof I had was of two EAs and not sure how far those went. I sense that she really has moved on since our argument and is possibly already dating other people if she was not already.

I may have made a mistake in asking her if she could not see anyone until our D is finalized. She said no to that.

Overall, I listened more than I spoke which is something that plagued our relationship. She told me of her short term life plans moving forward and was very upbeat about it all. There is a real possibility that we may not see each other again in person as she has no intention of coming here again.

She said she understood why people pursue WAS (referring to our last argument when I showed up to talk it out with her and confronted her about the EA) but it is too late.

I knew to expect this as a possible outcome but I am in a state of shock right now. I managed to hold myself together during the call that we had a cordial enough conversation and wished her the best with her work celebration.

From above, it almost sounds like she is aware of DBing but I am in danger of mind reading here. What she made very clear is that she has given up on us, is moving on and is very keen on seeing other people.

I talked to MIL yesterday and told her that W and I had not spoken in two months. She was gracious enough not to probe but hoped we would work it out in time for me to join then during the celebrations next week.

W was annoyed I had told her mom as she was planning on telling her parents in person, that we were done, when she sees them later today.

We agreed to have a follow up call in a few days to discuss logistics (house, finances, D proceedings, etc) moving forward.

If not for the content of what was discussed, we had a relatively positive talk and she even wished me a good day.

It is a small point but there is something painful about hearing your W refer to you by first name after so many years of loving let names.

Trying very hard not to panic and be reactive here. At this point, I am contemplating asking her if as a last resort, we could try the retrouvaille program before beginning D proceedings. At the very least it may give a sense of peace and closure to many of the issues we have avoided and have plagued our marriage. But honestly, I am finding it hard to believe that this is really it and don't want to give up yet.

My day is shot. I had plans for work but definitely not in that headspace. Planning to head out to the a rare to enjoy the sun, catch a movie and then spend time going through this forum focusing on words of wisdom from similar situations.