WAW...Again, Part II

[stumps]

I don't think I am being unfair at all.

You made the decision to share any info with XGF. I am not buying that she out of the blue made a sexual advance. Real life just doesn't work that way unless she has some kind of serious character flaw. It was an inappropriate offer at best.

I'm not sure what to say to that... Everyone is free to believe what they want obviously...but I can't imagine what I would stand to gain by being dishonest about how it went down.

Your answer should have been an emphatic "NO" and not some mamby pamby "Oh, if I did that it would be the end of my marriage" thing. Your answer, IMO, is sending her a message that you are interested and that if you could you would...

I think it might be best if you break off any contact with XGF.

Well here at least is constructive criticism/advice that I don't necessarily disagree with. Feeling pretty bad in fact. My intent wasn't to leave the door open to the possibility of coming to visit, or send mixed messages or anything like that. Ex-gf contacted me having already heard some of my sitch from someone else, we caught up a bit and I filled her in a little more on what's been going on with W and I, and then she made her offer unsolicited (can't control whether anyone believes that or not), and then I said to her what I said. From the feedback I'm getting it obviously wasn't the best/most emphatic/appropriate choice of words on my part...but it perhaps reflected what the main issue was for me that I felt like I needed to examine here: the recognition that I had mixed emotions/feelings in response to her offer.

I'm only human. If this wasn't my most shining moment, DBing or otherwise, I don't think it was my worst either. I think it would be more disastrous to my sitch to not admit the mixed feelings I had... And I think Crimson's comment pretty accurately described what I was feeling.