New therapist and moving on......

[twinmom]

So I was using our co-parenting therapist as my ic too.... bad choice, she told me Monday I should be thankful H wasnt taking every penny and not paying the bills. Ummmmm "thankful"??
New ic suggested some very firm boundaries and really put me in a good frame of mind Wednesday. H sent a text Wednesday night saying he would be here just before 7 this morning to get twins. I sent back saying ok, I also have the rest of your stuff (he left some clothes still hanging in the closet and other stuff) packed up for you. They're are also a few boxes of your stuff in the basement and I will carry them up tomorrow or Friday and have them in the garage ready for you Saturday morning"......
He replied back for me to just show him which boxes to which I replied no, it's ok I will have them ready. When he replied he didn't want me carrying up from the basement I just didn't reply.

I packed up EVERYTHING of his, even included all the mother's day/birthday/Christmas cards he has given me and the willow tree figures his brother gave us......

H doesn't say hi/bye to me or my older boys and it really bothers them so I am sending an email today that will give him the option of picking up the twins Thursday mornings AFTER I take the boys to school or his mom coming inside to get them (she is so nice to my kids even texts my oldest randomly to see how is day is). I will not allow him to upset my kids because he is rude. This will mean the older boys will only see H on Sunday evenings when he brings the twins home.

[figgeroni]

why would you give him back all the cards etc that he has given you? That seems really petty and like you are trying to prove something to him.

If there were gifts he gave you that you don't want out right now, put them in a box and save them for when you might want them...when your boys ask where that stuff they helped pick out went.

when you pack up everything they gave you and give it back to them, you come off looking like a bratty child who didn't get their way...

do you want anyone to view you that way?

[twinmom]

Honestly I don't care how H views me at this point. I have worked very hard to get to the point where every action I take isn't determined by how H will view it.
I would NEVER get rid of anything the kids gave me. This was card after card from H telling me how amazing I am and how he is so lucky to be my husband. It felt good to me to give them back. And right now if he sees it at petty oh well, I have made bigger mistakes but this one made ME feel good.

Out of curiosity I asked H this morning if I was pregnant with twins again (much harder pregnancy) if he would have still left. His response "no way, 6 kids? I wouldn't have left"
Oh so 5 kids and your out the door but 6 and you would have stayed? Lol! I didn't say that but I was thinking it.

[figgeroni]

I just don't understand the point in giving them back. If you didn't want them anymore then throw them away

I think you were trying to make a point to your husband and as much as you think you are at a point where you don't care what he thinks... I think that is not the case

If you really didn't care, the cards would have not bothered you and you just would have thrown them away.

It's like you are trying to make a point

and

I don't think the point you are trying to make is a healthy one

[twinmom]

I have endured a lot, and will continue to. I don't care what H thinks about me and maybe this was a little on the f!#@ you side but I think I am entitled to one of those...... it's not healthy to keep all anger inside, and this was my way of releasing a little......

On another note I told H last week that I no longer want a joint checking account. He can take over paying all the bills. I will figure out how to pay for gas/groceries. He couldn't understand why I would want to do this right now, I just told him I don't have to share my reasons with him.
He called the bank asking if we could just remove my name from the account and they said no it had to be closed and he could open a new one.
I found out today he just had the address changed to the account and opened a new one at another bank. I am FUMING angry that he changed the address to the account my name is still on and the statement (with all transactions from last month) will go to HER house and she has access to see where I spent $$$.
I sent a text saying I didn't appreciate anyone at HER house having access to my financial information and that I wanted the account closed tomorrow. He never responded.

H should be served papers this week as the website now shows a court date of June 26th. (Hope I am not in the hospital having this baby!)

I told H tonight we need to sit down and have a serious discussion of expectations regarding the baby's birth and right after (he wants to be there)

[twinmom]

H was served yesterday, he didn't say a word when I saw him/talked to him. He called today because he didn't understand a few things. He was almost angry when he was reminded that the amount coming out of his paycheck now will be the same after the divorce is finalized. He said "what did you want me to stay just because of the $$$" I responded that wasn't what I was saying and that we don't need to discuss anything like that.

[Starsky309]

Oh, tell him to have some CHEESE with that whine!!!


Starsky

[twinmom]

Warning, this is projecting and I know it...........

But he almost seemed happy I filed. He seemed angry about $$ but it was kind of like annoyed that I wanted him to stay just because of money, which I quickly explained I didn't.

I told him I will be having having this baby by myself and we'll be asking to be induced so that I can arrange childcare and drive myself to from hospital. I wanted to confirm he wishes to have his name in the birth certificate but he won't respond to me.

[kml]

I told him I will be having having this baby by myself and we'll be asking to be induced so that I can arrange childcare and drive myself to from hospital. I wanted to confirm he wishes to have his name in the birth certificate but he won't respond to me.

1) No you're not driving yourself to and from the hospital, don't be ridiculous. You have no idea what kind of shape you might be in after delivery, you need someone else to drive you. This is a safety issue.

2) Induction for convenience sake is not a good idea. Induced labor is more likely to lead to complications and c/sections. I've experienced both induced labor (for post-dates) and normal labor. Don't do it!

3) I understand the difficulty of arranging childcare around the delivery, but you need to make other arrangements. Maybe have a friend who will drop the kids on ex's doorstep when you go into labor?

4) Of course ex's name goes on the birth certificate. That's not a choice - he's the father. And why wouldn't you put his name there? Wouldn't that complicate getting child support if his name's not on the certificate?

[figgeroni]

Drs don't usually induce for convenience sake...at least no dr I know of...

and kml is right....

I think you are very hurt (and rightfully so) and you are punishing him or trying to get him to respond to you by becoming someone who looks like a martyr (not that you are being one...but your statements and actions are suggesting it)

If you want to be seen as self-sufficient, BE self-sufficient, don't tell someone else that you will do it all...

I understand you are angry and hurt and you have every cottoning picking right to be

I just think you are trying to get a reaction from him...

You won't get the one you are looking for

remember...0 expectations