New Here and to MLC Sinking Fast

[job]

Tears,
I'm very sorry you are struggling w/your h's crisis. It's very normal for some them to have contact at the beginning of the crisis, but as they begin to move into replay, depression and
withdrawal, they do tend to disappear and only have contact when they have moments of clarity. Please keep in mind, they do tend to drop most, if not all interacts w/the spouse, children, pets, families and old friends.

There are three types of mlcers: 1)droplets, they come by once in a blue moon and then go off on their happy way again for long periods of time. 2) Drop ins, tend to come over and stay for dinner and do work around the home. They are like guests who come and go quite often and yet do not want to recommit to the relationship. I consider them heavy duty cake eaters; and 3) drop outs. Drop outs just up and disappear and you don't see them again for a very long time. They ride off into the sunset and one day show up once again...but you don't hear from them, see them or have any interaction w/them. Some never return and you never hear from them again.

As for doctor's visits, how often does he go and if he's got insurance, his co-pay can't be that high that he couldn't provide you w/some funding. He asks about how you are doing because he feels guilty for what he's doing and he's hoping that you are finding your way along and even though he wants you to meet someone new, he truly doesn't. It's all about him and how he wants to alleviate h is guilt and shame, something you have had nothing to do with.

If you need to discuss finances or your d, don't hesitate to contact him. As for being friends, well...their definition of friends is not the same as what we consider friends. They want us to sit on the sidelines, don't rock the boat and allow them to do whatever they want. Friends, like he's referencing at not what any of us want in our lives. He wants to be able to tell others how well the two of you are getting along, even w/the separation...he wants to look like the greatest guy on the planet and he certainly doesn't want to look bad to anyone.

As for telling him your business, especially when you go out...don't do it. If you discover he is giving your d the third degree, do not tell her everything you are doing while out. At least that will keep her out of the middle of his questioning. He's still trying to control and/or manipulate you even when he doesn't want to be w/you.

So, what do you do? You keep yourself busy, keep the focus on you and your d and allow this man to work through his crisis all by his lonesome. You didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him.

In time, you'll begin to see and better understand what's happening w/your h. You are going to have many days of confusion, as well as ups and downs. Try to get as much sleep as you can, drink plenty of fluids, eat properly and exercise. Stress can trigger many different types of health issues and you need to find a way to release that stress and yes, anger.

Continue to post as it's a good way to vent and we all have been where you are at. It's not a fun place to be.