So I understand doing LRT if you are simply seperated. However, if your W is in a P/EA, knows you know and disapprove do you still act friendly to them?
Me-33,W-26 M-4 yrs, T-5 years S- 2 D- 4 (Special needs, undiagnosed) Apr 2014 B date End of April 2014 Moved in with parent's
I was before, as there was no evidence there's was a real ow. Just fb relationship. It turned out I'm too soft for it and his actions showed, when I called in an emergency he refused to take the call. That really he wasn't interested in contacting just lording it over me.
I've gone dark now... Not just lc or dim. The world could burn down and I'm not contacting. So far it's working, I've heard nothing, but he needs to know you really don't get to keep the one you cheated on as plan b till you decide. So actions are needed, the do nothing action. Who knows it might well never workout in my case.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I've kept the niceness. I think the trick is to be nice enough that you aren't holding it against them for life. If they believe you could never let it go, they would be less likely to consider coming back. I have a friend who went through this and his W came back. I've talked to both he and her separately and while she is sorry it never really came down to a real apology. You either let it go and never bring it up or you don't. And not letting it go can't work.
Anyhow, I don't know which works best to be honest. But nice is part of who I am and who I choose to be. That is one of the few things I can honestly say is not been influenced by my want for her to come back.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
It wasn't that I wasn't nice, it that he was lying, and making a bit of a mockery of every thing. Being Nice for coffee, making out I could call him, when nothing could be further from the truth.
Telling me that I was the whole problem and the ow was recent, when its plain it wasn't. I was hating being left in my head in limbo. Hs actions show he's totally with ow.
He can't have cake, really his actions most of last year show he didn't have our families interest at heart he wasnt the sort of person you would have as a frend. He needs to live his choices for the time being, that includes me being out of sight.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Sorry Ggrass, I wasn't trying to compare as much as answer Corbean's question. I know what you mean about the lies. I resent being lied to as well but its kind of a given. Lying is just a defensive response most people do when they are afraid of someone finding out about things they never thought they would have to explain or are ashamed of. My W is nice too and I think its because she genuinly cares even though she is lying to my face.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
I know, but I felt I had not been clear. I refused to be pulled in by his arguments or attempts to pull me in. It was like a nice snake you know is there so you try not to step it. There was this dynamic, where I allowed myself without realising of getting drawn in and taking blame, while he remained the nice blameless one, aka as the victim.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
