Quote:

My H even said he would never allow himself to be vulnerable again to be hurt like this.




IMHO...this is a great place to focus your DB efforts...what actions can you take to assure him that he is "safe" with you? (I think your actions re. the settlement, etc, are a wonderful example!). Think big and small...things that would have helped me (not sure they apply to your sitch, though):

Hearing details from h about his day so I don't have to wonder what he's been up to

Having him share his thoughts and feelings with me re. the A...not saying drag it out of the garbage every three days but just knowing that he thought about his actions would have helped

Hearing how he planned to NOT EVER LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN...that he understood the warning signs and had some plan to react differently

Opening up communication on all levels..in some ways, I'd like to hear what disatisfies my h currently...because then I wouldn't wonder if he was harboring issues

Ultimate patience with my healing...see my comment above re. pulling it out of the garbage every three days...but I'd still want to know that I could ask for help in healing without getting the "I can't believe you're still not over this".

Sage

Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.