I'm so shocked and heartbroken , this can't be rea

[rsl1034]

There is a lot more to that list than what you read into it. The financial part was hard on us both while I went to school. I contributed what I could as a laborer and was the primary care giver to S between work and school. The financial issues at that time were different. I didn't really get that careless until I graduated and got a good job. I am in no means diminishing the fact that she shouldered a larger share of the financial burden.
And seriously, I make a list of what's wrong with me and you ask me if I'm proud of any of it.
I said before that I just started my new shift this week.
I go camping because I enjoy it.W says she does but her and S watch dad's the whole time. They don't like being dirty , bugs and such and yes I know that sacrificed to be with me. Much the way I go on hours long marathon shopping trips with W. It's just what you do when you're a family.
I don't always want my way and my way only. Quite the contrary , I'm way easy going and yes I'll acquiesce to avoid conflict. But I keep getting mixed messages here ,seems like a lot of you think I should just be an enabling pussy. Well I'll take a lot but pushed so far ,I will push back and then it seems like you're blaming me for being superior , selfish or blaming my [censored] on others which I'm not. I've already owned up to what damage I've done. Damage that is in the past for the most part.
I'm here just trying to understand. This didnt happen overnight, yet it happened in minutes right before my eyes.
As I said before I had been participating in behaviors that she had silently been banking resentment on and still we laughed loved and ML right up until that moment when I said I knew about OM and could prove it.
At that instant she stopped looking me in the eye ,changed horribly into someone I don't recognize. Since then I've been do anything I can think of to bring my W back. I'm sorry if I stepped on the toes of anyone here , I'm really tired and there are only 2 things that matter to me. Making sure S is ok and finding my W. Along the way I discovered DB. I m trying to put it to use.
The ideas aren't earth shattering ,I think any thinking person strives to be a better individual and I belive that I , for the most part have long tried to embody that. If I lash out well it isn't me in denial or not owning up to my character defects, it is me cursing the gods because I don't know how to lay in the same bed as my checked out W and not be allowed to hold her.
Do sincere apologies to anyone who had their feathers ruffled. Sincere thanks for all the good advice as well as the kicks in the ass.
I know my good outweighs my bad at the same time I know that my bad can be improved upon by a huge margin.