Wife doesn't feel it... (Part 2)

[Corbean]

Ok great advice. My goal in filing isn't to speed things up so I can date, it's to finally stand up for myself in a relationship where I was controlled by fear for way too long. I guess that's the entirely wrong reason to do so.

Honestly I have a lot of growth to do right now, I repeated a lot of errors from my first marriage in this marriage and commited way more wrongs too. I know I don't want to be that guy anymore and I've never really discovered who I am as a person and that is my goal right now. Filing won't speed up that process.

My hobbies were always video games, and I have stopped playing them. I tend to have an obssessive personality and once I set my mind on it I obssess over it non-stop. To me I have finally realized that video games are not healthy or productive in my life and that I wanted to stop playing them. I have also stopped looking at porn completely. So the two things I spent most of my time doing I now do not at all lol.

So far to GAL I'm doing a few things, I got to the gym every morning and run every night, except on Sundays. I've already started counseling to work on a lot of my issues, I'm joining a men's group that meets Tues mornings, starting a group to overcome my obssessive tendancies, which actually starts tonight, I'm going to church, and every now and then I'll go see a movie, I also found a mentor in the church to help teach me what it means to be a good father and husband. (I don't have a mother, she left when I was 2 and I don't know her, and I had an absentee father who was a drunk, so not the best examples in my life) I'm not sure what else I can do right, I've always had an interest in woodworking, but don't have the money to get the tools necessary to start right now.

My current goals are this:

- Learn who I am, and be happy with myself.
- Stop being co-dependent
- Establish a healthy relationship with God
- Read the Bible
- Get back in really good shape

Perhaps I need some better goals to work towards idk. My typical day when I get home is to go running, come home shower, write in my journal, do whatever house work needs doing, maybe watch some TV, go to bed and read my Bible.

And yes Mach that's exactly what I'm afraid of, perception, judgement. How do I walk into that town and be around her family and not feel like a fool, and completely awkward? Perhaps I should see more grey. It doesn't have to be one way or the other for now, whether I'm filed or not it's still my personal growth I need to seek. My vows to me meant that I was hers til death do us part, but my pride is telling me that I'm a joke to her now and if I let her do this to me I'll never have her respect. Loving her to me means fighting for her and never giving up, but it feels like I'm fighting for someone who hates me and doesn't want it. I want a happy healthy marriage with someone who respects me, has unconditional love for me, completely accepts me for who I am, and won't quit when the going gets rough. Perhaps I do need to have a long conversation with Jesus and get a lot of it out there and ask for some clarity on the situation.