I guess if I'm being honest with myself and you, then what scares me the most is that her entire family knows about it and all of her friends. There is no voice of reason in her life right now. If they are all ok with her doing this, then what chance is there really of us ever being able to work things out?
What are you so afraid of ???
Perception ??
Judgement ??
I would say that you see things in Black and White. Yet, not everything in our lives is colored with just those 2 choices...
Why does it have to be one way or another for now ???
What WOULD that conversation entail ??
I would assume that it would include him asking you what your vows mean to you ???
What does loving her mean to you ???
What are you working toward ?? And what result do you want ??
And I would also assume that he would tell you that you need to lay all of this at the foot of his cross, and let it be sorted out later...
To focus on the things that you CAN control, and leave the rest to faith....
These things take time, and nothing is going to magically change just because you file, or don't file...
Your emotions will still be attached to them, regardless of your marital status....
Be still for now, work on finding your center, and move forward for yourself ( that doesn't mean to move on either)....
