It amazes me how quickly my emotions change. This morning I was doing fairly well considering the circumstances.
Now I'm starting to feel blue. I'm sad about the future we had planned, the wedding, the new house.
I realize that my thoughts are driving my emotions as Mach pointed out to me yesterday. But sometimes they get the better of me.
Tomorrow will be 1 week since DDAY. I have not contacted her at all. Yesterday was one week from her telling me that if I wanted to get her something for Mother's Day that she wanted something shiney as she pointed to her ring finger.
On a positive note, I have a DB coaching session on Tuesday with Laurie. I'm hoping she can help me set some goals.
Something else I've thought of is that my WAW and I have nothing that binds us or forces communication. We have no bills, no kids together, no reason to talk. There's no way I will be able to show her my changes once I begin to change.
I quickly read all the post. Go to an ALANON meeting asap. This group is a must for any person that is a codependent and an other persons' drinking has bothered you. It's obvious that she isn't working a program, but may still be sober. The behaviors don't change with sobriety. The really hard work, just like what we're doing here, is within ourselves. If you work the 12 steps through ALANON you will grow, guaranteed.
I realize that my thoughts are driving my emotions as Mach pointed out to me yesterday. But sometimes they get the better of me.
Again with the "buts" ???
Once you realize that this type of thinking is happening, the sooner that you can change the patterns that cause them.
And if the "but" gives you an excuse ??
Then you will always allow it to happen...
When you think differently, then you will BE different....
Originally Posted By: Thornton
Something else I've thought of is that my WAW and I have nothing that binds us or forces communication. We have no bills, no kids together, no reason to talk. There's no way I will be able to show her my changes once I begin to change.
Excuse me ??
Miss Nomer ???
Can you help me with my DB homework ???
There will be plenty of chances for contact....relax
So before you start painting a list of your changes on a Leopard Speedo and do laps around her office building.....
Just focus on the changes, before you wanna show them off...
I go to the gym regularly, always have. That really helps me re-center.
Keeping busy at work definately helps although I catch myself making more mistakes since the bomb. My mind is still pretty foggy.
I need to experiment with what works for me. I used to love fishing but I think the quiteness (is that a word?) would allow me to obsess about my sitch.
Reading seems to help. I've been reading Divorce Remedy, Heaven is For Real, and of course all the stuff on this forum.
I need something a little more fast paced to quiet the little voice in my head. Rock music? Tennis? Flag football?
When I'm driving, I listen to "The Secret". It really helps me envision how I want my life to be and gives me a sense of peace.
Regarding goals, that's something I want my conselor's help with. I want her to help me identify what my passions are, my purpose.
I work in Human Resources and I do enjoy my job but I wouldn't necessarily say it's my passion.
Something I have learned during this process, is that I love interacting with the posters on this site. If I can offer up some encouragement to someone in pain, I really feel good about that. Perhaps I should have been a psychologist? Who knows.
Maybe I need to volunteer in a soup kitchen? Work with at risk kids?
"I used to love fishing but I think the quiteness (is that a word?) would allow me to obsess about my sitch."
I like fishing myself although I suk at it . The day I got divorced I was fishing. I was hanging with the locals. This one guy who is considered to be a great fisherman thought me to throw a net to catch live bait. Where I usually go to fish there is always someone who wants to chat. I have yet to be there alone. So give it a try you might meet some great people.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Today my daughter and I went to IHOP for breakfast then went to the mall and shopped for some clothes.
Then we went and saw Godzilla. I had to really fight to not obsess about not having WAW with us. Overall, I think I did ok. At one point in the movie, I felt myself tearing up a little bit but was able to shake it off and hide it from my daughter.
Then we went and had some chicken at a restaurant and came home. I am exhausted physically and emotionally.
Next week, my daughter will begin staying with me Mon-Fri while on summer break. I'm a little anxious about my GAL activities during the weekend. I'm afraid I've alienated myself from lots of friends over the years. I don't have much interest in the bar scene so I'm picking my brain trying to think of other GAL activities.
Another thing I've noticed is that I'm starting to lose weight because of a lack of appetite. I've always been in pretty good shape but I'm concerned I'm going to get skinny. I'll probably have to increase the number of protein shakes I drink everyday to maintain some of my weight.
I think things are easier for me during the week because work keeps me busy and I'm surrounded by busy people.
I haven't checked WAW's Facebook in 2 days and I noticed it helps my PMA. I don't plan on checking it anytime soon. I consider that a small victory.
I'm still hanging in there, sometimes by a thread.
This is easily the hardest thing I've had to deal with. I meet with my counselor tongith, I hope I am able to find some strength from that.
My WAW still hasn't collected the rest of her or her daughter's things from our house. All of her daughter's toys are still there too.
Also, my mother texted me and said that my WAW is still listed as in a R with me and still has her and I as her profile pick. She also said WAW and sister took a selfie together at a baseball game and that WAW looks to be in bad shape.
I know, I know.. Detach and don't mind read. It's so hard to do and not wonder what the heck is going on with her.
The day she left, she asked me that if she were to get therapy for her sobriety struggles (she's been sober for 9 months but not working a program), if it would be too late for us.
It makes me wonder if she is leaving the door open for us.
No 2X4's needed, just explain to mother you don't want to know whereabouts and updates. None of that stuff matters. Keep doing what you're doing and see how counseling goes tonight.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
