I have taken a little break from the boards while trying to figure out my life. The past couple weeks have been trying so I wanted to summarize what happened as I start on a new part of this journey.

Two weeks ago, we were eating dinner as a family. H's phone rang and it was the OW. H looked at me and said "oh looks its your best friend." H immediately apologized but the damage was already done. After the kids went to bed, we had a long discussion. H threatened to file for 50/50 custody if I changed our current schedule. H promised to never take his phone into our phone and/or be on his phone around me.

Past forward to Mother's Day. I had taken beautiful pictures of me and the boys. He sent the pictures to me for Mother's Day. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I mattered to my H. We went to dinner, H asked to stay and watch a tv show with me (this has not happened in over a year). We ML, which has been happening a lot more recently has be has shown more interest in me. We had a great night.

The following Tuesday morning, I woke up and looked at FB. OW posted a picture of her children that I knew H took (a mutual friend liked the picture which is how it showed on my news feed). H confirmed that he had also taken pictures of the OW's kids (H had also taken pictures of about 25 other families as he does photography as a side business). H swore up and down that he did not give them to her for Mother's Day. H said that they meant nothing. I told him that I was done with his $hit.

We had a discussion on Wednesday night and I told him that I was done with Family Day on Sundays. We are both going to get referrals for a child psychologist to help us determine a good parenting plan and to talk about how we should tell our kids (they still don't know he moved out 10 months ago).

I have an appointment on Tuesday with a L. I am not going to file, just want to see what I am facing and eliminate the fear of what my future may hold. H has been able to keep his fantasy world alive in the past because he would threaten me with custody. I am done being threatened.

H made it clear during the conversation that he likes his current life. He said that except for time with the kids, he is not losing out on anything else. I don't really believe anything that he says, good or bad because it is all so contradictory. He says that he wants me in his life, then in the next breath says that me not being in his life wont be a loss. He says that he does not want a divorce, but he is doing pretty much everything in his power to ensure that we will likely get one. He wants his cake and to eat it too. No more for me.

So I am starting a new chapter of this journey. It is going to be difficult. H and I had some really really good times recently. It is hard to give those times up, but it really just is not possible to improve our R while the OW is still in the picture. My H cant even see how his actions are hurtful. I think that he was sorry that I found out, but not sorry for doing it. I deserve better!