3 Months In and Feeling...More Aware

[Upwards]

I meant "I AM in a place where if my marriage doesn't work out I'm ok with it".

Your welcome, you can do this I know you can

[JennD]

H is here this weekend for his time with the girls. I'm really feeling the pressure to have plans. But i have none.

I've told H that when its his weekends with the girls - which happen here at our home as he is staying with friends - that I will be around - that I'm not necessarily leaving for the whole time. He is fine with that.

But in past weekend when he's been here, I;ve gone to yoga, pedicure, shopping, out with sister, etc.

I could do any of those but I feel so alone. I've join a bunch of meetup groups but everything they have scheduled for this weekend is sold-out or not geared towards me (ie 50 km bike ride, Coffee and discussion on meopause, etc)

I feel like a new kid in the school yard trying to make friends with no success. Mind you, I haven't actaully tried to engage others - I've have not gone out with any groups. They've had meetups that I'm interested in but its been on nights when H is not here and I've got the girls.

I've been a bit weepy over the last few days. I haven't been for a while but I guess its part of the cycling up and down that happens in this situation.

I've got to plan something this weekend - long weekend - and get back to a better PMA...

[labug]

You don't have to do anything.

If you want to do something, that's a different story.

Maybe think about the feeling alone part and why that makes you sad. I know that sounds like a "duh" question but it really isn't.

Are there things you like to do that you could do "alone"? I found several things like taking a class in something I'm interested in, biking, walking, movies (that was a hurdle for me but once I got over it, I loved it). Have you ever volunteered? It's a great way to get outside of yourself and provides an opportunity for perspective.

[JennD]

Hi Labug. I get what you are saying about exploring my dislike of being alone. Its partly that. But its also that I am missing feeling connected to anyone.

I have my girls and we connect - absolutely.

But I miss confiding in someone, having conversation about how my day went, how theur day went, etc.

I;ve mentioned before that I don't really have close friends. I'm close with my sister but feel disconnected as she doesn't understand why I'm still accepting H's behaviour. She tries to understand but she doesn't have empathy (ie can't put herself in my positions to see).

[JennD]

So H just called to ask if I had plans tonight. No, not because he wanted to take me out! Because he wanted to see if i was going to be home after the girls go to be so he could go rock climbing.

I did confirm with him on Wednesday that he was here this weekend with the girls cause I wanted to make plans. He said yes.

When he call just now, I said yes I have plans tonight and that I did ask him earlier this week. He said no big deal - what about the rest of the weekend? I said, nicely - I feel like you are getting the best of both worlds here. You are supposed to be here this weekend. When you are away, I have the the girls, its all me. Again he said no big deal.

So now i HAVE to have plans tonight. Movies maybe.

Do I tell him that I can adjust my "plans" on Saturday or Sunday so he can go? Or do I hold strong and leave it as is?

(In this area, it was so much easier when we were a team and we worked together...)

[claire7]

Go see a movie. Sit at Starbucks and read. Who cares and he doesn't have to know. And do NOT offer to adjust your plans for him!

Take advantage of your time-- go to the gym, get your nails done, go for a walk, run errands, take a long drive, use the time and space to sit somewhere quiet, write in your journal and plan how you will GAL... and then go do at least ONE thing....anything you want!

[claire7]

Also.. don't get mad or offended. Just simply say, "oh, I already have plans. I'll be home at xxx time." If he asks, say, "I'm meeting some people I don't think you know. Not exactly sure what were are doing yet." But don't offer if he doesn't ask.

(And take him at his word when he says "no big deal".)

[labug]

Go see a movie. Sit at Starbucks and read. Who cares and he doesn't have to know. And do NOT offer to adjust your plans for him!

Take advantage of your time-- go to the gym, get your nails done, go for a walk, run errands, take a long drive, use the time and space to sit somewhere quiet, write in your journal and plan how you will GAL... and then go do at least ONE thing....anything you want!

All good suggestions.

Step out of your box.

[JennD]

Thanks ladies. I just looked and there is a good movie playing.

I will go to starbucks, relax for a bit and then to the late movies. I'll get a bit dressed up (think fancy jeans and actual make-up - not a dress!) to add to the mystery, in case H even notices! Can't hurt and will feel good to loook nice...

Here's me, stepping out of my box...:)

[claire7]

Hooray! Enjoy!