Today I woke up and the first thing I though of was WAS. But I was able to make a tiny bit of headway and focus on myself.
I have to catch myself everytime she starts to creep into my mind. It hurts that I have to forcefully evict her from my thoughts. I'm really digging deep to not blame the entire demise of our relationship on myself, that's hard to do as well.
It's almost like I will feel guilty for allowing myself to feel good. Does that make any sense? Like I'm abandoning my WAW. I totally get that she abandoned me and that my thinking is twisted. I'm an extremely loyal person, always have been.
I know I need to forge ahead, I have seen all the advice, am re-reading Divorce Remedy, and logically know I can't control any of this. But the feeling in my gut persists that I can make things right, that's what I'm fighting.
I suppose with time I will begin to feel centered again. And I know there are no timetables for this. Again, something I sometimes try to control. Will I feel better in a month, 3 months, a year? Who knows, but it's a thought I battle with and I'm trying to not let get a ahold of me.
Something that I really recommend to all of you is to read the "Advise from Wise DB'ers" forum at the bottom of the forum home page. Reading that really calms me down, I hope it will help you gain some clarity during this stormy season as well.
