Reach out or stay dark?

[Anders]

Journal update: I got home yesterday to find a message from my MIL saying she is looking forward to catching up with me. I will call her tomorrow and be truthful about the fact that W and I have not communicated in nearly two months.

I caved though. Seeing MIL's message sounded like a reasonable point to connect with W. I sent her an email asking to talk about MIL's message and also made clear that a D is not what I want. No reply. It has been not been easy trying to resist the habit of mind reading about why she has not replied.

A very long day at work today and I am tired. Very tired. It may be fatigue but I find myself wondering if DBing is possible from a long distance and with no communication. It is tough when you don't have a gauge on whether any progress is being made or not.

I have to make a major career decision tomorrow. I'm frustrated that I cannot talk to her about it.

The strange thing is that despite my slump today, I got a couple of flirtatious smiles walking down the street today. And a couple more while in a coffee shop.

Trying to force myself to remember that this process is very much about growing and changing myself for the better. And it is not just about my timeline. And that writing things down helps clear and calm my mind.

But during moments like these, I am just tired.