I just came accross your thread and it touched me. I am in your exact sitch.
Brief summary - M - 26 H - 24
M - 1 year
Right after we were M I started to get some pain during sex but at the time did not know why. About 5 months after we were M I found a sex ad online that he had placed. I was devestated and wanted a D. He begged me to reconsider and he would go to C with me and also promised nothing ever happened. Well, needless to say, we never went to C and I tried to block it out.
My version of blocking it out was going out with friends (guys and girls) and I eventually became emotionally attached to some guy friends. Nothing ever happened but I emotionally abondoned my H during these 7 months. He would try to spend time with me and I would push him away. It literally kills me to think of the pain he was going through.
Fast forward to October. I started to notice he was backing away from me, came home late from work, and was very angry. He left me a day after our 1st anniversary and told me he wanted a D the next week. The reason he gave was b/c I have hurt him too much and he thinks I had PA. He does have OW right now but I am convinced it is b/c I was not there for him when he needed me.
Our court date was yesterday. It has only been 4 months of S. I did all of the wrong things when he first left. I begged, pleaded, followed. None of it worked so I went along with it. Since that time we have more communication but not alot.
I am at the end of my rope here. I dont know what else to do. I feel like I caused this D and I dont know how to fix the pain I caused him. I symphathize with you.
