Ok Folks, really bad development today. If you have read my posts you know that my FIL is in town today. Supposedly to go to D's graduation events. The first one was today. My W insisted that he come even though she didn't want him to. W shows up this morning ALONE. After all the crap she gave my D, telling her she has no choice and he is coming and she got ready, he doesn't show. The event today was at the end of chapel and after sitting through all the other stuff for the lower grades, the part that was so important to my D started. 5 min.'s into this (the only reason for her to be there) my wife gets a text, says "I gotta run" and in front of everyone...including my D who is standing in front crying because of what the first teacher was saying, walks out!
My W NEVER takes off work but did so today so she could be there (or so she said) because it was so important to my D that we be there and she just up and leaves! No explanation just have to go. So, on my way to get to work after the event I see my wife's car.....parked in front of a lawyers office!
So, we couldn't understand why he just had to come. Why he didn't bring his wife. Why he would bother to go to see my D as he never gave a damn before and now we know why. My W just told me a few weeks ago that she hadn't gone to see a lawyer, had no plans to and no longer even thinks she wants a D but dad comes into town the week the kids finish school (the event she was waiting for before leaving to "separate") and now she's going to see a lawyer with daddy. I never bought that he was here for my D, now I know I'm right. Why lie and tell me that she wasn't going and then turn around and go? Why do the MLC's feel the need to lie?
She also told me that it's not the Divorce that hurts kids, it's how you act during and after. So she thinks hiding money, locking me out of shared email accounts, trying to send my D away without even talking to me about it first and now, lying and going to see a lawyer AFTER telling me she had no plans to and hiding it from me is the way to act to have the "right kind" of D?
My FIL isn't just the 30 year old balm, he is the OP in my W's MLC and is the only person she knows who thinks she is doing the right thing and has been pushing her along. Yes, I understand it's not his fault or that he is making her do anything she doesn't think she wants but without his constant negative family pushing, she wouldn't be doing this, at least not yet.
As for why the lawyer...there is no such thing as a separation in the state I live in. There is only Married or divorced, so she isn't talking about separation papers or such. I live in a state where it's very easy to get a divorce IF both parties agree. If not, there are very few "grounds", none of which apply in her case. The only thing she could be doing is looking into D which as of just 2 weeks ago was off the table at least for a year.
My W just texted me as she is supposed to meet a repair person at the house today and wanted to know if I heard anything. I told her no but that I would be sure to tell her if I do. I asked her what was up that she missed our D's big event. Her reply was "I sad to miss it. I'll explain later.". That should be fun. I'm going to wait and see what her explanation is and see if she tells the truth or not. If she is honest I will tell her that she shouldn't have hid it from me, shouldn't have lied to me about not planning on going to lawyer and why her dad was really here but if that's the way she wants to go then that's fine with me but that I'll be going and making sure that me and my D's are protected. If she lies, I will tell her that if this is the way you think people are supposed to act to have the kind of divorce that "doesn't hurt the kids" she is mistaken. That she has been the one sneaking around and hiding money, etc., all the things she was so afraid I would do but never did. That I have known since Dec. that none of this is about me or our M. It's about the fact that she's not just unhappy, she's in pain. She is depressed/anxious, scared and hurting and just wants it to stop and she has decided that the next thing to try is D'ing me and being in control of her life, not part of a couple. That all I've done since Dec. is give her space and support so she could do whatever she wanted from going to Fla to going away for her work to working late every day and my helping by taking care of all my and her responsibilities and not once asking her to do or not do anything.
I have given her as close to total freedom as possible and if she still thinks I'm to blame for her unhappiness than there is nothing more I can do but at least I'll know I gave it my all to try and save our family. But if she thinks (like she has said in the past) that she may someday allow me back into her life in the future she has it wrong. It will be up to me if I will ever let her into mine again. She no longer shares ANY values with me. The values you used to live by no longer seem to matter to you and if that is who you now wish to be. If that is the way you want to live your life, why would I want her in MY life?
Or maybe I shouldn't say anything. At this point I'm just upset that she can't seem to either be honest or keep her mind set on what she plans for more than a single day and isn't at all able to talk to me.It just seems like one day she thinks and says one thing, next day it's totally the opposite. Why did she have to do this now? Why can't she just let my D's get through their big days before lying all this at our feet!
