Confused and mixed signals

[sandi2]

It sounds as if she wants to keep you around as her best friend, only. The fact she doesn't want to have sex tells me she doesn't feel that attraction a W should have toward her H. I think that is what she was trying to say when she said she didn't love you the way a W should love her H.

She may need further therapy for any sex issues she has as a result of the rape. But other than the rape, I see nothing that is different in your stitch from most every LBH who comes here. I don't mean for that to sound insensitive, b/c everyone feels their stitch is different. Except for a few details, they all begin to sound alike after reading several threads.

Whenever the H can't see any obvious change, and the W is being very sweet, nice, affectionate, etc., it is hard for him to show tough love. However, this stitch could continue indefinitely....if you comply with what she suggests. Is that really what you want?

Have you read the Divorce Remedy book? If not, please do ASAP. In the meantime, there is a list of tips at the top of Newcomers to get you started.

Talking doesn't fix or change these M problems. However, at some point, I think you should tell your W that you are not ready to "settle" for a sexless MR for the rest of your life. It is not fair to you and very selfish of her to announce her intentions and expect you to be willing to accept those terms. Both of you are too young to even consider having a M under those conditions.

It is not natural for a woman not to desire a connection and to want physical affection from the man she loves. So, I suspect there is a lot more than she is revealing to you. And, if you had a decent sex life until now, and she suddenly wants to call a halt....there is a very good reason why.

Usually, the W has another person in their head, and it takes the attraction away from the H. I said "usually" b/c there are exceptions. Sometimes it is something physical or mentally....or emotionally messing with her. However, most women don't take kindly to the H telling them to get checked out to see why they don't want to have sex. Know what I mean?

I suggest you learn about detaching and step back from her. Detaching is not acting angry or cold. You can read up on it.

This is your life, too. You have a right to call some shots.