I was hoping to hear from people like me who had an affair and THEY were the ones hoping to keep the marriage together.In my intial post I included the situation of our son being disabled, I included this because this event totally devastated me. Instead of bringing me and my h closer it created distance. I put my childrens needs before him.Now I wish I would have done alot different.
He recently told me he loves me as a friend and as the mother to his children but he does not love me as a wife.He has a little apt. he goes to at night. He told me he wants to physically and emotionally separate himself from me. I have read the DB books but I am the one who had the affair..I am doing the LRT now ..Sometimes he is very chatty and tells me things and I am confused how to act?? Part of me wants to distance myself now to avoid the great pain coming with a divorce and another part says act happy, don't let him see you crying on the inside.
A huge part of my H's thing is pride,I really hurt his pride with the affair. How can this ever be restored?He feels I am tainted now and can never be the same. The only positives are he keeps saying"depending on what happens between us" and he is not making any plans to get another house to have the kids over..
One last note..as I read the post about those of you whose spouses are in affairs i can tell you this..A person only has an affair if they are feeling very misrable inside. They somehow think this OP is going to make all the bad go away in their life..they don't think rationally..they only see your negatives and block out the positives.I convinced my self that my H didn't love me anymore( which I found out later was not the case)Your mind plays tricks on you and you do not think clearly. When i was in my affair I wish I could have gotten a swift kick in the head ,wake up!! Go to your H for help not the OP!!I have to live with what I have done.
