She left - 4

[gogofo]

Neither of us have experience with ASD. What is it?

As far as the rest of yesterday, it went really well.

Played with all four kids for the rest of the afternoon. Wife came home and we fed the kids together and cook us some dinner. Put them all to bed and I stayed the night again.

We talked a little before falling asleep. She thanked me for helping her out with our nieces being their too. She said it was nice to see me playing and enjoying my time with our nieces. They were cuddling up on me and sitting on my lap when we had some family time in front of the TV after dinner. In her words she said that they need time with men as their dad is never there, which is her brother. It really aggravates her that he is not home much and rarely spends quality time with his daughters.

She still talks about how she is still feeling nervous or scared that things will revert back. My interpretation of this is that she likes what she sees and it doesn't match whom she thought I was. She said she did a lot of moving on and now her mind is conflicted.

I told her I understand. I expressed my nervousness about the things that feel familiar again. I hope that what is familiar now are the good things about our former relationship. I know she enjoys us doing the family thing, she previously expressed this. I asked her if she saw any of the old patterns or actions with us yet and she said no.

She told me that last week she did not want to call me and ask for help with the kids, again she felt conflicted about the situation and us. Her mom sends her daily horoscopes and the day she called me her horoscope said something to the fact of 'reach out to others and you will be pleasantly surprise.' She said she did and she was. This was a very nice compliment and critique on my personal change. I caught her watching/admiring me and hiding her smirk/smile while the nieces were mauling me and cuddling.

In the past I felt put out by helping out with our nieces. I would do anything to help, but not with attitude and frustration/anger at the situation. Basically because her brother is out and playing around a lot of the time while his wife and kids are at home. I know they would take my kids at any time, but it would only be his wife contributing not her brother. It frustrated me in the past, I felt like I needed something in return from them and in particularly her brother. Now I don't share this opinion. Their relationship dynamic is their own. I am happy to help, just to help.

Another thing she said two nights ago was that she read a quote which swayed her opinion on working back with us. The quote was something like 'Don't marry a man you do not want your kids to grow up to be.' I think this may have jarred her to rethink her opinion of me. It is interesting that I have a quote and a horoscope to thank for this opportunity at piecing. Actually I thanked her for her bravery to give us another chance after all the work on getting over 'us' and 'me' that she had done.

Sometimes I feel that we are not talking things through enough, but when I journal here I can see that we are making continuous small steps. I don't think we need to or would be able to sit down and hash things out in the matter of a day or two. Slow and steady has been pulling us up the incline so far, no need to switch tracks.