I can understand your hurt, but it shouldn't really be a surprise your H wants a divorce. Read Micheles books. Do the last resort technique.
Here's what the books say, sounds crazy, but agree with your H when he suggests a Divorce. In fact agree with everything he says. You'll find if you stop defending yourself, he'll start defending you. Don't justify or defend your Affair take responsibility for it. Don't try to blame your H or your kids in any way for the affair. Especially don't try to fob it off on someone whose disabled. They don't even have a chance of defending themselves. Accept your responsibilities in life and be happy about them. There's a lot of people who love to work with disabled kids and say they have enhanced their family rather than torn it apart. Shift your viewpoint on this topic.
