With All My Hopes and Dreams

[soldier]

She did not say anything about me being physically abusive but it was strongly indicated that I was emotionally abusive to the point that she was afraid of me. Even though the abuse was emotional she also confessed that she worried it might turn to physical. This is strange to me because she still lets me have a week at a time with D5 and I would think that if she truly thought me to be manifesting anger to a point where physical abuse could be present that she would not want my around D5. I have never hit my wife and outside of some small spankings I have never hit my daughter but regardless of this my W is afraid of me which makes me want to try to find something that I can do to help ease this fear.

I found in a different post on these forums a site called MEVAC – Men Ending Verbal Abuse and Control and have petitioned to become a member. It is another forum like this DB forum and I think there will be some great information on it. The bottom line is that I want to find a great since of inner peace and I want to have a calmer more enjoyable life moving forward. I love and miss my wife and it would be great to have a new life with her but I no longer expect this to happen. I say this because more than a want for my wife to return and us to start again, I want to not hurt my relationships in the future. I am tired of the pattern of negativity in my life. I am on a positive route now and I am focusing hard on making sure I do not backslide again.

This is going to sound negative but I have really come to terms with the fact that if my wife is afraid of me she will most likely never feel a desire to return to me. This doesn’t mean that I give up by any means but it is a harsh realization that I need to face. My W does not want to work on the M at all and she is very uncomfortable in my presence. I have given her complete space and silence since the fiasco on Mother’s Day and plan to keep it up until she reaches out to me if she even does. In the meantime everything I do now is for me or my D5 and no one else as I expect that there will be no W moving forward. Maybe I will be pleasantly surprised but my heart tells me that my W ever returning is a fairly long shot. That being said I have made some pretty difficult shots in my day so I still have a bit of hope but in a more realistic way now.