All of that anger has been pent up inside of you, since you came here.
And it manifested itself into guilt, from your past actions..
It has been what has kept you from moving forward for yourself, and living your life for yourself...
It is also what motivated you into seeing things more clearly, and motivated your changes in life.
It is the reason that you are a better Father, Friend, Son, and one day ? ...Husband again.
And now, it is coming out...
The layers are peeing off, and the new Crimson is having his Debutante Ball...
You are removing that guilt card from her repertoire, and she is finding that out (and not liking it much), and even Mommy and Daddy can't "fix" this anymore....
No longer are her decisions defining your decisions...
And I think that most of our superior counterparts here would say....
Thank you, Mach. That is actually enough to slightly choke me up a bit....it's been quite a road to travel. I really am trying to take things in a different direction, and it is challenging. But I am having faith in the fact that something amazing will pop up one of these days. Lord know WHAT -- but something....something really good.
Well, two years in and GAL begins. I will be scuba certified by the end of the summer at the latest. Signed up for classes today. Yay me. Scuba certified living in the desert.
I've been reading some of your threads. I'm new here, but not that new to the separation to divorce road, and I have to say I think a woman worthy of you is going to find you soon. There are some of us out here who treasure people with "battle scars" - those who face their fears and weaknesses and work through them to get stronger. It's taken me almost eight years to realize no matter how much I wanted my soon-to-be ex husband to be that kind of person, he is not. And he has no interest in becoming that kind of person. So even though I still see a sliver of potential in him, in our marriage, I'm going to rest awhile and restore some of the energy I spent worrying about and taking care of him. And after that, I'll be ready to find a guy like you. You're doing great. You're exactly where you need to be. I'm cheering for you!
We have a lot of lakes! And San Diego isn't too far away...ditto on beaches in Mexico.
Wwweeelllll, I went to my mediation service at church tonight - I am becoming a regular. I actually quite like it....takes some practice, but I am getting there...I have a very busy mind at it is hard to silence it. So at the end of the service I head to my car, look at the phone, and see the following text from XW's mother:
"Looking to book July 1-10 for (S) to come visit Iowa, but I need your approval Crimson. Please give me a break."
This is on top of the phone call yesterday. I am not going to respond. I have been very clear on the matter with XW and I am getting slightly offended that her mom keeps pushing the issue. Yep, this sux for everyone involved...all people, all families, and our S. Keep in mind that this is the woman that when I called her after XW said she wanted a D she told me basically "Well, after she had S she had realizations that she wanted to be all she could be for him....". And so on. Well, today CRIMSON is having his own set of realizations....and one of them is that it is pretty much time to live the life of a D couple. Which, by the way, I did NOT want to be.....but your daughter did. Granted, I won't say any of that but I sure want to.
Sad thing is, my heart actually DOES hurt for them both. I don't like people I care(d) about not getting the things they want in life especially if it is within my control to make it happen. But I am 100% out of the enabling business.
I would have never learned anything about myself in this process if everything went my way and I got everything I wanted. In fact, NOT getting sh*t that I wanted basically in this process is what motivated me to take a good look at myself, the way I was living, my selfishness and the choices I was making in my M. Hopefully, it will do the same for her one day.
