[BrightFuture]

So, I’m spinning again… I did plant some “evidence” in the house last night, and I was hoping that by the time I come home from work, the d@mn drums would be gone along with H. I called him right after 7 am this morning because he asked me to, so he would know whether to drive here or not. He answered the phone and I immediately knew he was still sleeping and sounded very hang over. No kidding, they had a celebration for him on the previous night. I kind of knew that it would play out this way, but still thought that I could be wrong and he was not drinking himself to death anymore.

I told him that the fires were under control and there were no evacuation orders for my area. He thanked me and said that he would head over here later. I was at the meetings all day at work, so I missed his call at about 3 pm. He left a voice mail saying that he just got into the city and was going to meet his brother for a drink, and then come to the house to collect his drums. He then he asked if that would cause any issues for me to let him know. I didn’t call him back.

I got home and got a voice mail from his brother. I could not quite understand what he was saying, so I called him back. Then I still could not understand all of it, because he was at the restaurant and it was noisy. What I gathered from this conversation is that H wanted to know if he should stop by the house this evening or tomorrow morning before I go to work. I said that I would prefer tonight, but my BIL said that he doesn’t know when they would be back from dinner and drinks. So, he kind of insisted that H would come tomorrow morning. I am not sure if I understood it correctly, but why his brother was calling me and not him? Is there something I’m missing?

So, I don’t know if I need to be angry or patient. My blood pressure rises when I’m under stress, and this IS stressful for me. I need it to be over. Now I have to live in anticipation of this unpleasant visit tomorrow morning. I don’t know why H is doing this to me. I started to analyze again. Maybe he told me that he wanted to stop by the house when I’m not home to check if would still be ok with him being in the house without me. Maybe he wanted to check if I’m involved with somebody and would not want him to wonder around the house. Or, did he decide to see me in person? It is probably neither and he is just a selfish SOB and is doing what is convenient for him.

I was so hoping that by the time I’m home it would be over. I was actually thinking how much relieve it would bring and how much happier I would be. I’m really getting to the point when I just want to “cut the cord” once and forever, so I don’t have to go through these anxiety attacks every time he wants something from me. Maybe my family and my GFs are right and I need to do this.