Today I woke up really angry. Angry at this horrible person my ex turned out to be, or turned into, whatever this is. Angry at what he's put me through, because I didn't deserve to be treated this way and I do not deserve to be put in this situation.
I have been through a lot of crap in my life. My father's cheating, the ugly divorce, the long illnesses (stroke, cancer, parkinsons, alzheimers) deaths of so many family members - grandad, uncle, great uncle + 2 aunts, 2 grandmas, my father, all by the time I turned 16. And yet I picked up the pieces and kept going. And lately, my stepfather turned out to be a lying stealing junkie, the messy separation, one grandma was ill and I took care of her, the other grandma just died. And through it all I studied and worked hard and got a degree in a second language and am slowly building my career as a writer in that second language.
And now this? And what has he had to deal with in life? Nothing! His family is so blessed they almost don't seem REAL. And now I have to be collateral damage because he's never learned what it's like to be an adult and deal with issues in a SANE way?
I felt I finally could have a few years of peace. I felt I deserved that. And instead I have to pick up all the pieces again and rehaul my life and my future completely again because he acted like an idiot. The breakup would be bad enough if it was a normal one, but dealing with the lies, the betrayal, the cheating... I don't want to be in this situation. I resent him so much for doing this to me.
There are serious problems out there, just see what my friend is going through right now with his mother, and there's nothing to be done about it when life dishes out pain. But when someone you love and trust does it with their own two hands when he could have behaved like a sensible person and avoided all this? I'm so angry at him.
I don't deserve this and I won't let him break me.
Me: 26, BF: 33, R: 9yrs Bomb dropped April 17th 2014 Currently No Contact
