3 Months In and Feeling...More Aware

[JennD]

25yearsmlc, I've read and re-read your last comments to me quite a few times. Thank you for your thoughts.

You are right - I have to stop challanging him - telling him his decision to leave me is wrong. All it does is get him to repeat his choice to me, reinforcing it in his own mind. The more he repeats it on his mind, the stonger it becomes.

As an extrovert, I need to be with other people for my energy. I've worked from home for more than 7 years. Isolated by choice. Not realizing it was contributing to my downward spiral into anger and negativity. And not going out with friends, making H my everything. He is an introvert and the weight of my extroverted needs were too much and unfair to dump on him.

I've learned that I was not as happy in the M as I thought I was. I mean I was never so unhappy that I would walk away. But H was not as emotionally available I needed him to be and we didn't nurture our R - always working on the house, doing everything with the kids, etc.

We as a couple were always last on our own list. I'd tell him don;t buys flowers for valentine's day, flowers die. Spend the money on tiles for the backslpash in the kitchen instead, etc.

Now I realize, its not the cost of the flowers I was doing without, it was the sentiment of what the flowers meant.

If only I had a time machine...I didn't know what I didn't know...