BRNR, It's quite normal to view some of the mlcers actions as funny. Once you've detached and begun to move on w/your life, you begin to see clearly how they interact w/you, the children and others, i.e., like kids themselves and they are good at repeating themselves over and over again. Is his memory still full of holes or has it gotten better?
As you continue on w/your own journey, you'll be able to recognize better the type of people you encounter, such as you did w/your male friend. Yes, you detached quite well from him and if he did show some narcissistic tendencies, you are wise to let him go.
You have every right to feel those warm and fuzzy feelings...you've worked hard to get to where you are today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
like kids themselves and they are good at repeating themselves over and over again. Is his memory still full of holes or has it gotten better?
Thanks job for your insight as always. H is still re-writing history,....so full of holes? IDK.
I will admit that it is easier to see people (especially men) for who they are right from jump. It makes me proud knowing that I won't get trapped by someone who is no good for me.
I've been taking my time and "dating". Don't like the prospects that I've encountered so far, but have made a couple of good friends. One guy (who I am still currently "dating") swooned over me since day one, but I've told him I am in no hurry (and quite honestly don't have the time) for a relationship. Once he stepped back and "detached" from me, he has shown signs of gratefulness of going at a turtle's pace. He too went through his own share of a bad ending marriage, and realizes that he needs to work on himself too. So we are at best companions.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
HAPPY BELATED MOTHER"S DAY!!!! (sorry, I've been busy...lol)
Well I admit Job...a whole week later and he is still repeating himself. He has also resorted to using my email of "opening up lines of communications for the kids" into an avenue for him to get his own needs met. I put my foot down today after I ignored about five attempts from him within the past week or so. Told him, "It's business, not personal."
Where is Golf Mom? She was such an inspiration to me. I wonder how she is is doing today?
Other than feeling harassed by the ex, things are good. I'm finding my way and learning so much of how things are really out of our control. It's weird how I came here to get my husband back and now, well my goals are so different. I am not perfect, but have seen a shift on how to make things different with other people. I'm still not where I want to be, but happy with where I am at for the moment.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
BRNR, Golf Mom's has some things come up that she needs to devote her attention to. She'll back again very soon.
I had to chuckle over your recent "smack down" over your email account. They'll try anything to get our attention and don't care how they do it.
You are right where you need to be at this time. You sound really great and I'm glad you are happy with where you are at the moment.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hello everyone, long time no talk...LOL. Things have been crazy with me and my boys and end of the school year stuff, which doesn't leave a lot of time for anything else....especially with getting a life and all.
Well, what I have come to say is that ROCK BOTTOM may be near for my ex. I know that if I was in his sitch I would see it as such, but maybe not for an MLC'er....
To elaborate, after our last court appearance, it seems H has gotten himself in a huge mess...IRS debt and now terminated from employment from an $85-90K a year job with benefits and retirement account. I am not sure if this was a ploy to avoid wage garnishments for support, but the courts can deal with him now. I've realized, shortly before our court appearance that I would not be able to count on his time, money, or any other contributions that he could provide. I feel sorry for my boys, because I feel his "appearances" might stop soon here too.
I don't know what constitutes rock bottom, but losing a comfortable lifestyle for a lifestyle of running from debt and obligations without being able to afford any of them, or improve your life because of them sounds kinda rock bottom to me.
Oh well, to the drawing board I go. I have a lot of financial planning I have to do myself.
A hearing is being set up by the probation officer due to his lack of compliance. I'll probably touch base when the juicy gossip comes out.
Oh, and by the way, his first weekend with the boys... Memorial day weekend started of with a bang. I had the cops called on me by the ex because he picked up only the children for his visit, and not their whole lives packed in a nice neat bag fully paid for. The cops laughed and told him to roll.
I guess he just doesn't get how hard the rest of his life is going to be...does he really think he can run forever with wine taste and aspirations on a beer budget. He has successfully lost the last piece of his old life with me and the boys. There is nothing left that resembles his former self, and quite honestly, I can't see how he could ever attain it again. Sad, just sad. End Rant-
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
Geesh, does it ever end. I'm sorry about the cop situation, but I'm sure the cop shook his head afterward and laughed about it.
Yes, your h hasn't got a clue and boy, he's in for a rude awakening in the future.
I'm glad you and the boys are doing well. I'm so sorry that you and the boys are still dealing w/this crazy stuff. Hopefully, at some point, things will settle down.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You know, he sounds way beyond MLC at this point - either mentally ill or drug-addicted. Do you suspect substance abuse? A fifty pound weight loss makes me start to think of meth.
I've suspected substance abuse, my oldest has suspected it, and other various people who have encountered him have suspected it. No proof that he is though.
I'm really focused on how to survive now. I have a medically challenged child who really needed the health insurance...Healthcare is hard to get now, no matter which way you slice it. Financially will be rough for me in about three months. I suspect that my house will go into foreclosure.
I know this will sound wrong, but the only solace I have is knowing that he is going down with this sinking ship too. No matter how "happy" he makes me believe he is. If it is drugs I suspect he will be in lots more trouble than he already is, and that will pave the way for him to be eradicated out of my life. Drugs spell trouble, and I want no parts.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
Re: insurance - you have some options. First - you could COBRA your current insurance - for 18 mos, or if you divorce, 36 mos. This however may be a more expensive option than:
Second - if your income is low you can apply through the Obamacare exchanges, you do not have to wait for open enrollment so long as you were insured within the last 30 days, I believe. You may be surprised at the subsidies for you if your income is low - might even be free for your kids.
Third - even if you don't qualify for the subsidy, you can get insurance through the Obamacare so long as it hasn't been longer than a certain time since your last insurance (I want to say 30 days but it might be more lenient).
As for the house going into foreclosure - time to make some unemotional financial decisions. Is there equity in the house? If so, it may be a better idea to sell and take the money, rather than foreclosure.
Do you want to keep the house? Is it a good financial deal to keep the house? (I.e. payments insurance maintenance and taxes not more than rent?) If the house is a good deal, could taking in a room mate help you to save it? If house is a bad deal and has no equity - stop making payments now and save the money for rent when they force you out (which can take a while).
Thanks KML- I know all the insurance options, I just still have to work out the logistics and see what's the right fit. Ex hasn't enlightened me to the fact that he lost his job so he as an obstacle in itself for getting the termination info.
As far as the house, I'm flipped, but the cost of it is really no cheaper than an apartment would be. That's where I struggle. It's not an emotional attachment and that has no bearing on the decision. My ex and I aren't divorced yet and I can't afford to pay for one. And I can't re-finance until we have a settlement agreement through the divorce.
Walking away from the house is probably the most viable option. I have posed this question to my attorney to see if I have exhausted all possibilities. I've even contemplated paying what I could on the house in the hopes that it would keep them at bay a little longer than the typical foreclosure. Maybe I should contact the mortgage company now and see if they have any options.
I'm not stressed out about it...I do believe everything will work itself out. I'm just still trying to figure out how to make things work...
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
H is still re-writing history,....so full of holes? IDK.