New here - H's MLC hit like a ton of bricks

[TL72*]

HI LN
I'm sorry you're feeling down. We all definitely know the feeling. If it were me, i'd just call someone to mow it. That is you making your own decision and not letting him control it. Just my opinion though. Once my exH moved out, I would just take care of the house stuff or it wouldn't get done. Even after BD before he moved out, he was too focused on himself so it was up to me. You're going to backtrack once in awhile, we all do. Remember the basics, breathe, eat, sleep, take care of yourself. If you feel like you need AD then go see your doctor. I don't think you're giving up too easily, I felt that way too - but it's part of letting go. You have to detach and let go and give them the freedom. Holding on just hurts you and puts pressure on them. You can leave the door ajar. Look up a divorce support group in your town and attend - even if you're not divorced that's ok, they take break ups too - it helped me so much and getting in early is really helpful - there were others in there that had been going through divorce for years and years and said they wished they had gone sooner. It's usually only a seminar that lasts 6-10 weekly meetings. It really helped me get through the denial of it all and move through grief and get into acceptance. Take baby steps. you seem to feeling overwhelmed - write out your goals and then take small steps to achieve one of them. you know inside that you did all you could to save the marriage and that is worth it. none of this is your fault. Don't worry about dating again right now - it's better to take some time off and date yourself, learn more about you as a single person, a whole person. I know I'm not there yet, so I'll wait a year and see how I feel then. That's a personal decision and only you'll know when you're ready. I'm an introvert too, and it is hard to step out of your comfort zone. Just face your fears, list them in your journal and think of why it is a fear, what will happen if you face it, what's the worst that could happen. I had to talk myself into going to that divorce group meeting and told myself "what are you afraid of, they're not going to kill you" so I went. It was hard that first time. I cried and felt awful after but in reality it was just me releasing that and accepting what was happening to me. The 2nd meeting was easy, I had already faced that original fear. None of this is easy - we are finding our own strengths and it ends up being OUR journey. One we can control and we have to let the MLC'er go and do theirs. If they come around one day, great - then we can decide if we even want to deal with that - if not it won't matter anymore because we'll have already moved on. I hope I'm not rambling too much here - I just feel like we all go through such similar feelings and sharing different things might help someone else. Keep posting, keep your head up - we're here for you.