There is a huge difference between frugal and controlling.....and smart and responsible. As your wife noted, and me too, you lean heavily to the frugal and controlling side. That may be good for you, but obviously creates a lot of friction in your relationship. Why? Because being frugal and controlling overrides your ability to COMPROMISE. This is one of those things that will haunt you in any relationship going forward....whether your marriage or a new one. It isn't about the budgeting, it is truly about your inability to compromise...Which builds distrust and resent.
That you feel guilty about spending money points to something also. It points to the fact that you do not control your money, but that your money controls you. Do you want to live a life where money controls you? We all have to respect money.....but respecting money does not mean granting it control. It is just like a marriage....you respect your spouse, but you cannot control them (nor they you).
I agree with saving 10% of your check....I do mine through a retirement plan and with a company match it works out to 10%.
Electricity...I don't have a choice in provider, but I have a choice on what temperature the house is. The kids and I discussed this and we came up with a plan. In the winter I keep the house at 58 (everyone wears a sweater) and in the summer I don't turn the AC on until we start sweating in bed. It sounds harsh, but the kids and I agree that being a little uncomfortable is fine in light of the savings (well over 50%). The key though isn't that I save money...It is that the kids and I compromised on a plan (see...DB can work with kids). For you with the little ones....I recommend light switch locks. They make it harder to turn the lights on and off (I would discuss this with the wife first)....So lights aren't being turned on when they aren't needed.
Groceries....Once a week trips...That is it. First it makes shopping easier and smarter....You have to make a list and buy what you need. It keeps you from buying the things you don't need, but always end up buying LOL. It also teaches the kids to eat smarter....When the food is gone, it is gone (trust me...with teenagers this is important. They can and will eat everything in one day). Just doing this will free up $50 to $75 a week....it does work.
I like to break things down into need and want. You have to get things you need, but your try to save money on those purchases. You also occasionally need things you want....So you have to get those also, but also be respectful of how you are getting them (always use cash on want items....not credit).
As for the trip...my suggestion is to save for the wife also. Here is why....if she goes, then you have saved the money to cover that. If she doesn't, well then you have extra money for the trip. Either way it is a win/win for you. Not saving....that sets you up for a lot of win/lose conclusions.
