3 Months In and Feeling...More Aware

[JennD]

Hi Upwards. Thanks for checking in.

I'm finding, like all of us, I have okay days, and then some not so okay days. Today is one of those not so good days.

H was her last night (I went to hot yoga). We had decent non-R conversation about general stuff. Nothing specific happened, I just miss him.

I mean I'm moving forward and living my life, not stuck in the holding pattern, holding my breath. But H is someone who can make a decision and thats it. No looking back.

That being said, a new change in H's relationship with his mom has me thinking.

Growing up H was very close with his mom. He was a very sick baby and he and she had a very good relationship, until about 3 years ago. Long story short, she dealt with some familiy issues very poorly (1/2 brother with drug and legal issues) and she had major life issues as a result (bankrupt/forclosure after retiring after hiring a zillion dollar lawyer for brother, etc).

H tried to help his mom but she continued to make the bad choices and H washed his hands of her. Wouldn't talk to her, email her etc. (She lives a 4 hour plane ride away). She would reach out to him (in a limited way - thru email - never calls once she was tuned out by him). I would talk with him about the situation. And would still send photos of the kids and somewhat reach out to her.

He literally said to me that his mom is no longer the same person that he grew up with. That she was dead to him. (This was a few months before BD).

Her health was visably declining and I would try to get H to reconsider talking with her. That he needed to consider how he would feel if something were to happen to her before he working things out with her. He refused.

So forward to a month or so after BD, H's mom was scheduled to come to Canada. H tells me he emailed his mom and apologized for his behaviour and wants to see her when shes here to talk and catch up. He tells me about his IC and how he realizes that he almost has to force himself to continue to be mad at her.

Forward 3 days later, H's mom has a stroke and is not coming to Canada. (She seems to be recovering well - out of hospital and walking without a walker, but limited mobility and issues with her hand).

So he's talked to her a few times since, sent flowers for mothers day (I didnt even get a "happy mother's day" from H).

I'm not clinging to hope like I used to when BD was still fresh, but I guessI'm hoping that this is how it will go with us. That he will come aorund, but just with time.

Bet you're sorry for asking!!