Reach out or stay dark?

[Anders]

Well, no new updates at present. At the 40 day mark this past weekend, I sent a short text wishing her the best on her upcoming work celebration. No expectations of a reply on my part but simply to send her well wishes. She has not replied nor was I expecting her to.

There is an uncertain point of limbo here. With her living in another city, I could see this silence and avoidance dragging on until she finds someone else, then her initiating divorce proceedings.

I find the mornings the hardest as there is always those first few moments where I am hoping it is all just a nightmare. I find sending her positive thoughts and prayers of well wishes eases my anxiety.

Though very sad and heartbroken about this all, I'm taking the advice to lovingly detach. One of the threads talked about the difference between letting go and giving up. This was extremely eye opening. Not easy to do but it has helped tremendously.

I haven't told her that I do not want a divorce though it was me who said I wanted it during our last argument. But at the same time, I don't want to come across as needy. As time passes, it seems harder to take those words back. My sense is that any apology right now would most likely make her pull away even more.

Overall, I am not sure how to go from complete dark to gray, and taking back that comment without pushing her even further away.